Melrose's Place

August 28th, 2010

2010-09-04T02:52:00.005-05:00

That's the date of one of the bests Saturdays I've had in 2010. I spent it with my newest favorite person and we had a blast! As my sister would say, he's thebomb.com! :-) I had a complimentary stay at the Sheraton and I couldn't think of anyone else I'd rather have as company. So I booked a room and we were on our way to a stress free weekend. Relaxing and most of all, fun!

Someone told me I was 'lacking major shit in my life' since I had never been to Opal Divine's, so we started the night there. The fried pickles were yummy, the drinks were tasty and the burgers were ridiculous! I never knew you could put fried onion strings, gorgonzola cheese crumbles, jalapenos and hot wing sauce on an already huge angus beef patty. Needless to say, we left with doggy bags. :-)

Back at the hotel we got word of a house party. So before we hit up the club, we swung by there to wish our friends happy birthday. Nothing like a good ol' fashion house party. Shots upon entering the house, Everclear soaked watermelon, trashcan punch, dominoes, music and great peeps! Thanks to the host for juicing me up before I even stepped in the club. lol. I was feeling grrrreeeeaaaatttt!

After a long night of fun and friends, we finally headed to the plush 'heavenly' bedding of the Sheraton to sleep the night away. I woke up the next morning wishing that the sun hadn't come up and I could just re-live the last 18 hours on repeat. Great music. Great friends. Great company. ;-) Great times!

Ignorance.

2010-09-04T01:46:00.010-05:00

Blog has been removed.

Long story. ::sigh::

Update

2010-08-15T23:33:00.002-05:00

I'm still progressing in my weightloss. As of today, 8/15/2010, six months into my journey, I've lost a whopping 45.5 pounds!

And counting! :-)

Thanks to all who have given me encouragement. It's not easy, but it's a lifestyle, and I'm sticking to it!

Still going strong!

2010-06-22T12:00:00.002-05:00

It has now been 4 months and 7 days since I started following the guidelines of the Atkins lifestyle. After years of yo-yo dieting, I have finally found a way to eat healthy, heartily and deliciously with no regrets. No more gaining 10 pounds, losing 5, gaining 20, losing 10, and not knowing how to combat that roller coaster. Dr. Atkins knew the secret to success and was willing to share it with the world. I recommend his book to anyone that has ever struggled with their weight. The two days it took to read the book changed my life.
**Click here to purchase from www.amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Dr-Atkins-Diet-Revolution-Revised/dp/1590770021

I am living, breathing proof that this 'diet' really works. Check out these results:

33.8 pounds lost

24.75 inches lost, measurements taken from neck, arms, chest, bust, waist, natural waist, hips and thighs

These numbers are motivation enough to continue on my journey. And the best part is that I have even better results to look forward to, as this is only the beginning. Hopefully when I step on the scale on October 25th, I'll be pleased with the number staring back at me. 38 pounds to go!

But I can't front and act like it's always been easy. There have been plenty of days when I've cheated and eaten my mom's banana pudding or gone to a restaurant with friends and had something breaded or starchy. But I think my key to success despite those pit falls is knowing how to hop right back on track the next day. When I read about people who fall off the diet, they fail because eating one chip leads to eating a bag of chips. Then the next day they're eating fried chicken and ice cream and drinking soda, and it's all downhill from there. That will not be me.

Besides the extreme guilt of eating unapproved foods, I have a serious fear of returning to a place in my life when I was unhappy. I am satisfied with my progress and pleased with the results thus far. As long as the scale brings me joy, I will continue on my low-carb journey.

Coffee from mushrooms?

2010-06-18T00:05:00.006-05:00

Yes, it's possible. The Chinese and Cantonese apparently know something we don't, and Organo Gold has tapped into a method of harvesting a treasure that is proving to be, well, a gold mine. I first heard about this company through a friend who has a vested interest, being one of their latest representatives.

Ganoderma Lucidum is a mushroom packed with nutrients believed to provide 'bright, shiny skin' and contain 'spiritual potency.' The mushroom is processed with advanced micro-particle technology, maximizing the effects of Ganoderma.
*For more info on Ganoderma Lucidum, click here: http://www.organogold.com/products.asp

Not only does the company sell coffee products, but neutraceuticals as well. These herbs, oils and powders are good for not only the body, but mind and soul. And they should be, seeing as how Ganoderma Lucidum has upheld it's title of superior herb for the last 5000 years. Quite impressive.

The people over at Organo Gold realized how lucrative this product has proven itself, and decided to expand its wealth by offering people all over the world the opportunity to become a distributor. The compensation plan for distributors and their team is posted in detail on the Organo Gold website.
*If interested, click here: http://www.organogold.com/compensationplan.asp

If you've been seeking an opportunity to earn supplemental income, becoming a distributor may be an option. Here in Texas, the Houston market is growing. And I hear the Austin market is wide open. But don't take my word for it. Research for yourself at http://www.organogold.com/default.asp.

*A special thank you to Kenya Melton for informing me of the Organo Gold product family.
Visit Ms. Melton's distributor page here: http://www.hyppewellness.organogold.com/

Blog beef...or not.

2010-06-11T23:47:00.004-05:00

Recently I took to my email and vented to whomever is behind http://www.drewreports.com/. They were (once) on my blog roll to keep me entertained at work. But it didn't take long for me to become frustrated with this blog, so I decided to make my opinion be known:

Each time I log onto www.drewreports.com, I am bombarded with more and more negativity. Believe it or not, there is a way to suggestively hint at situations regarding celebrity lives without harsh insults like, "Dawn looks so loss in this snapshot it’s sad. Looks like she is clinging on for hopes of a solo career which will NEVER happen." or "Above is a picture of Kelis who looks downright AWFUL! What in the hell is this bullshi*!" Take notes from fellow bloggers who politely criticize or focus on the positive of situations. They are still able to get thousands of hits daily without being hateful.

Also, continuing to add fuel to fire by spreading unconfirmed, harmful lies is no way to get ahead in any business. The caption of "a very pregnant Khloe Khardashian-Odom" is slanderous, seeing as how she has publicly denied being pregnant. Not to
mention, the picture above the caption is one of a very svelte Khloe who looks healthy, slim, and far from pregnant. It jeopardizes your credibility by posting information that is later found out to not be true.

Another thing that puts your credibility into question is the grammar on your site. This site has so many typos it's ridiculous. Do you even have an editor? If so, fire he or she immediately. They obviously aren't doing their job. And if you don't have one, get one as soon as possible. A prime example is given above in the comment about Dawn. The proper wording would have been "Dawn looks so lost in this snapshot"...not loss. And I could point out several others, but it isn't worth the trouble. When I read posts on your site, I imagine an insecure, self-loathing individual that prides themselves on making a career out of being rude, tasteless, and down-right nasty toward people unbeknownst to them. If self-esteem is what you're lacking, please find another way to boost your self-rating each day without posting such mis-spelled hatred on your site.

-Melrose

And this is how "Dr. Drew" responds:

Melanie,

Thanks for venting to us about your concerns. Drew Reports is simply an entertaining web portal for readers. Our goal is to make readers laugh or be intrigued by our commentary. Thanks again!

Dr. Drew
Senior Managing Editor
www.DrewReports.com
drew@drewreports.com

::blank stare::

First, I'm shocked that every single word in his response is spelled correctly! Also, I highly doubt that this character is a doctor, let alone an editor of anything. And most important to point out, the only thing intriguing about the commentary is how amazing it is that someone so illiterate is actively operating a blog.

Oh, and I'm laughing all right...laughing AT you.

If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie and wipe the seatie!

2010-05-20T01:32:00.004-05:00

At first this was intended to rant about the mess left by male coworkers in the unisex bathrooms at work. I thought for sure that urine on the seat, floor and walls was because males were doing just a li’l too much jiggling. So to combat this issue, I stopped using the unisex bathrooms altogether. But to my amazement, the problem didn’t vanish just because I decided to start going to the designated women’s restroom.

Each day that I have to use the facilities, I am baffled at the amount of bodily excrements left behind by other FEMALES! And unfortunately, it’s not just urine (piss, pee, whatever), that remains on the seat. There are also unsightly remnants of Aunt Flo and chocolate submarines which never cease to amaze me. How the hell grown ass women can manage to be so disgusting is beyond me. Mind you, there are toilet seat covers available in every stall. But I doubt anyone one of these lazy heifers takes the extra 5 seconds to ‘pull up, then down’ and place one on the seat. I mean, REALLY?! How hard is it? Not only will you be proactive in preventing a potential ugly scene for the next person, you’ll be protecting yourself from whatever bacterial gift the ass before you left behind.

The M Word

2010-04-10T21:35:00.011-05:00

Marriage.

I'm beginning to think there is no point to it. Maybe it could be because I encounter married men pretty often who seem to have no regard for their current situation and no respect for their significant other. Men who wear their rings and speak openly about their wife and kids, but in the same breath tell me how much they'd love to get me in the bedroom. Maybe in their own special way they're just giving me a compliment. Maybe they really want to act on their desires. Who knows? I can't deny that I'm flattered when a well-tailored man approaches me, tells me of my beauty and invites me to spend time with him. Who wouldn't be? But when those men are married, it puts a dark cloud over my relationship future. One can't help but wonder, "Will my husband cheat?" Of course, every relationship is different, but with the track record of married men in my past, the future ain't lookin' too bright.

Or could it be the many, many marriages that end in turmoil. Divorces occur daily. I mean, the divorce rate in the U. S. is nearly 50 percent! It's a thing of the past for a couple to be married 'until death do they part.' And even though I come from a union that has been together for nearly 33 years, I still have doubts. Divorce was unheard of in our household, but rarely do I come across people whose biological parents are still married. Broken homes and single parents are the norm. Don't get me wrong. I don't support an unhappy, unhealthy marriage. But it's my opinion that the marriage would have had a better chance of being healthy and happy if both parties had clearly communicated and received counsel before they tied the knot. Wasting time on each other by divorcing and washing years down the drain is not what I look forward to.

And then there's always the crude theory that there is something wrong with me. I get asked all the time, "Why are you single?" Hell, I don't know! I don't think I ask for much. But my standards are yet to be met. All I want is a loving, respectful, honest, caring, attractive, intelligent, educated, hard-working, humorous, trustworthy, family-oriented, Christian man with whom I have crazy chemistry. Is that too much to ask? I shouldn't have to lower my standards. That's how people end up unhappy. They settle for the next-best thing instead of the partner they truly deserve. I'd rather patiently wait. And I am fully prepared to be 50 years old walking down the aisle if that means that I will be spending the rest of my life with someone who I know isn't going anywhere.

Trapped in the Closet

2010-04-01T05:11:00.003-05:00

I may be extra late on this, but this discovery amazed me today. R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet series has extended past the first six chapters originally included with the TP3 Reloaded album.

It's worth a gander, despite the poor acting and sub-par cinematography.

Chapters 1-12:

Chapters 13-22 (part 1):

Chapters 13-22 (part 2):

Chapters 13-22 (part 3):

Chapters 13-22 (part 4):

Chapters 13-22 (part 5):

Not just a diet...

2010-03-31T23:41:00.004-05:00

August 2008 I was rushed to the hospital. The paramedics thought I was having a panic attack. Well several tests later, I was admitted and had my gall bladder removed the next morning. In the previous weeks, I had been on a low-calorie, low-fat diet and working out 3 times per week with a trainer. Two months of that and only 12 pounds lost. The doctor said a harsh change in my diet and exercise routine may have caused a lot of the gall stones. And he also advised that I shouldn't be surprised if I gained weight after my surgery, because now my liver had to do it's own work plus that of what the gall bladder used to do.

Well sure enough, between August 2008 and February 2010 I gained about 40 pounds and was losing confidence by the day. My clothes weren't fitting and I refused to spend money on bigger attire. I came to work one day and my coworker told me she had started a new diet. When I asked her what it was, she said The Atkins Diet. It wasn't the first time I had heard about it. I have an aunt who overcame cancer several years ago. Due to medication, her weight ballooned tremendously. After seeing herself in a picture, she was unhappy with her size and decided to do something about it. She went on Atkins and lost over 100 pounds in a year and has kept it off for nearly 7 years! So when my coworker said 'Atkins,' I knew it was possible.

On February 15, 2010, I made the decision to begin Atkins, as well. I went to my pantry, refrigerator and freezer and cleaned out anything that wasn't approved in the induction phase. Then I went to the grocery store to stock up on Atkins approved foods. Well, I've stuck to the diet since then and in 5 weeks I've lost a total of 16.2 pounds (11 in the first 2 weeks of induction alone.) My goal is another 56 pounds by October 25, a day before my 28th birthday. I am confident that I'll reach my goal, and I have Atkins to thank for it. :-)

Interested in joining the Atkins community? Click here: http://www.atkins.com/Homepage.aspx

SxSW 2010

2010-03-25T05:33:00.005-05:00

Though not an epic event like SxSW 2009, South by Southwest 2010 was still a blast! I met a ton of great people, made quite a few new contacts and partied as if it were my last day on Earth. With 10 days of vacation, my schedule instantly changed from work-a-holic to non-stop party machine. And it was great!

I'll try to recap the events of last week as brief as possible.

Sunday night I kicked off my vacation by hitting up Austin's longest-running Sunday night hip-hop spot, Red Fez. It was cuh-razy! Let's just say...bottles and shots, shots, shots, shots, shots! It felt good to go out and kick it with the peeps. DJ Kurupt dropped "Wasted" and that pretty much was the theme for the rest of the night (and week).

Monday was chill. Sexy happy hour and bowling with friends.

Tuesday night kicked off the music portion of SxSW with Abe the Assassin and several of Austin's hottest djs at Six Lounge. I also hit up Lucky Lounge and caught Zeale performing with Boombox and DJ Rapid Ric. They showed up and showed out!

Wednesday was the official start of the music fest. I opted to not redeem my press credentials. It turns out that my homegirl, Natalia would be able to come and party with me. No sense in one of us having a wristband and not the other. So instead, I spent the previous 2 weeks RSVPing for damn near every event possible. And it definitely paid off. It was all about "Free 99!" :-) Wednesday included a stop at the Pure Volume House, Levi's Fader Fort and Ace's Lounge. I had been out since 2pm and tried my hardest to stick it out and wait until my boo, Bun B hit the stage at 1 am. Well, when 1:15 am rolled around and they were 3 acts behind schedule, I decided to cut my losses, call it a night, and go home to Bun's tshirt instead. ::sigh:: But while I was there, Kelley James out of Los Angeles was definitely the highlight. I will be google-ing him like crazy in the coming days. Check the video post below for one of him performing an acoustic medley of a few of Kanye's greatest hits. Amazing!

Thursday, Natalia came down and we hit up Light Bar for a gang of hot acts out of Atlanta. It was pretty much a preview of the following day's party "We Put the 'A' in Austin." We got the opportunity to meet several artists and pick up numerous cds and other complimentary merchandise. After hitting up Gruv for the L.A. showcase with Pac Div and U-N-I, we roamed the streets, hit up my man Marco's "A La Cart" brisket taco stand (6th & San Jacinto), and ended the night at District 301 for the Super 7 dj showcase. Oh, and if you haven't heard, Absolut has a new vodka...Boston Tea. Google it. Buy it. Try it. Enjoy.

Friday was so. much. fun! Man, I saw faces I haven't seen in a minute. People I love to love kept poppin' up everywhere. This was probably the day we walked the most, hitting up Ace's Lounge, Red Fez, Firehouse, Hudson, and District 301. But the weather was beautiful, the drinks were tasty, the jokes kept coming and the company we linked up with was extra entertaining! Absolutely awesome and effing unforgettable.

Then on Saturday, the weather took a 35 degree turn for the worst. It went from 75 and sunny to 40 degrees, cloudy and down right flippin' cold. And of course this was the day one when two major outdoor events were taking place. As JJ would say...#toughbreakni**as. LOL. We ended the night at Perez Hilton's party drinking Alize, vodka and tea. What a combo. Thankfully me and the folks I was with all drove separate cars and went our separate ways. Natalia had 'plans.' Roxanne had a bedtime. And I was invited to kick it at a house party where Chuckie from the Cool Kids was djing. Too bad when I got there, there were people flooding out of the house because the cops were banging on the door. I parked three houses down and could smell that skunky weed scent from inside my car with the doors closed and the windows rolled up. smh. With that said, the party was over.

I had every intention of going to church on Sunday. But when I arose at the bright and early hour of noon I had totally missed service. Heathenish, I know. The rest of Sunday was spent with fam and friends at my parents' house to celebrate my niece. Then Sunday night we ended it just like it started. Red Fez was ridiculous. So much so that it will be getting it's own post within the next few days. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the events of that evening.

In a nutshell, SxSW 2010 was the highlight of my year so far. Thanks to old friends and new ones, this week is one of the best I've ever had!

-Peace.

SxSW Pics and Videos

2010-03-25T03:28:00.007-05:00

Double click on either set of pics to open them in the Picasa application and view the full size pictures and videos.

Pics:

Videos:

Chicago

2010-02-05T00:25:00.006-06:00

So the plane lands and the captain proceeds to announce the current weather conditions...

Did he just say 7 degrees?!

Yes...yes he did. And as soon as I stepped out of the airport, I felt every last chilling degree penetrate my skin. Thankfully, I came prepared. I probably looked like an eskimo, but I was trying my best to shield myself from the shock of cold weather with my tights, sweats, heavy coat, hat, gloves and scarves. And through all that, I was still cold!

Leaving the airport, half of us had the privilige of riding with quite possibly the worst shuttle driver EVER to the hotel. Guess where I was?...Yep...on the janky shuttle. I'm not sure of the driving requirements of those hired for this particular shuttle company, but I'm pretty sure our guy had experience driving the getaway car in a few high speed chases in his past. Speeding, slamming on the brakes, tailgaiting, cutting people off, never using a blinker, etc. You name it, he did it. But praises be to Allah! We made it to the hotel. We might have rolled up to that mug on two wheels with smoky tires, but we made it!

And the hotel was absolutely beautiful! Hotel Sax was a wonderful choice. Everything from the intricate crystal in the front lobby, to the plush room amenities, to the Crimson Lounge are sure to exceed anyone's expectations. Check out http://www.hotelsaxchicago.com/ for more details. The rest of Friday was spent at the Original House of Pancakes, shopping, lounging and a successful launch of 'Got Game'. Let me tell you, the people of Chi-town are SERIOUS about their Jenga and musical chairs!

Saturday was so relaxing. The guys did their thing while the girls strolled the city. Yours truly found a way to avoid the $25 entry fee and two hour wait at the Shedd Aquarium. Can we say...side door? ;-) And after a couple hours of browsing shops, Vanessa spotted McCormick & Schmick's. We definitely scored on happy hour! Sangrias were flowing, muscles were gutted, and rosemary garlic fries were inhaled. Good times!

On the way back to the hotel, we decided to stop at a liquor store. That was an adventure that led us to three separate places of business. The last one being a 7-Eleven. Since when does 7-Eleven sell hard liquor? That's not the norm in Austin, but apparently it is in the Chi. Interesting. Well, we could have totally bypassed our excursion in search of spirits because once we got back to the hotel, we were greeted by the testosterone-enhanced half of our group. The guys had already made their own stop at a liquor store and picked up the biggest bottle of Svedka vodka that I've ever laid my pretty brown eyes on. Nice! And to top it off, they made friends with the maitre'd and found a complimentary gaming suite for guests, fully equipped with Guitar Hero, two PS3 gaming systems and a Wii. Thanks to their smooth talking, we were also allowed to bring our liquor to the suite. Needless to say, a game of 'Spoons' quickly ensued or in this case, 'Chopsticks' from Chinatown. LOL.

Once the fun and games were over, we headed over to The Shrine nightclub. After the hype we heard all day about 'the hottest new club in Chicago,' and paying a hefty cover, we just knew for sure this was going to be the SPOT! Uh...no. In a nutshell, it was overhyped, the staff was rude, the drinks were overpriced and the dj's were mediocre. I'll pass on The Shrine next time. Not only that, but my girl was damn near mobbed on the way to the car by some dude trying to forceably trick off his money at Prada for her, then cursed out for politely declining. Note to any guy trying to mack Vanessa: She hates Prada. After a quick stop at Whitecastle, we were back at the telly.

The last day in Chicago, was bittersweet. We had a great lunch together at Quartino. http://www.quartinochicago.com/ Alex's brother even stopped by to visit and have lunch with us. (Heeeeyyyy, Smurf!) Then the fellas hit the subway, and we ladies continued our sightseeing. Soon, it was time to catch a taxi back to the airport to depart the windy city. I finally got my Chicago style hot dog, which made my vacation complete! However, the night did end on a sour note, with details that I'll refrain from disclosing. But for the record, overall Chicago was enjoyable. The good outweighed the bad, and I have pictures to prove it! I'll try to get around to posting the pics on this site in the near future, but in the meantime:

Check out www.facebook.com/the512melrose for pics I was tagged in from the weekend.

The New Year

2010-01-05T00:01:00.002-06:00

I spent New Year’s Eve 2008 at work, trying to maintain my own sanity. I wasn’t too thrilled about being cooped up inside work while all my friends were joyously ringing in 2009. I wanted to slam Jell-O shots, drink champagne and slur along to whatever song the DJ was playing at midnight, too! In previous years I was alone, but at least I was numb and carefree from the continuous consumption of alcoholic beverages. This time, I was alone and sober and not happy about it. No one to kiss. No one to toast away the previous year with. Just no one.

Well NYE 2009 I was once again sitting at work. But this time was different. I wasn’t bothered at all by not having anyone to celebrate with or being away from friends and family. I was perfectly content with knowing that January 1st is just another day. The eve’s celebration can really be had at any given time. I came to the realization that my new year can begin on any day, and I am beyond the designated milestone of the first of the year.

Why is there always much ado about setting resolutions to start January 1st anyway? Why can’t we set goals on August 3rd or May 28th or any other day during a year? December 31st may be the end of the calendar year, but you can mark the beginning of a new year on Day 1 or 365 or anything in-between. We shouldn’t be waiting until the start of the next year to set personal goals and resolutions. I truly believe that pledges to lose weight, curse less, go to church more, etc. are often broken because we feel as though our goals have to be determined on this particular date. Do better! Set a launch date for smack dab in the middle of the year and let that begin your ‘New Year.’ Have a celebration and everything. Actually, I think I’ll do that.

Stay tuned in a few months for Melanie’s Mid-Year "New Year" Celebration!

Oh, btw…Happy 2010!

What just happened?

2009-11-22T13:34:00.006-06:00

A few months ago I was asked to collaborate with two friends on a talk show project. Because we needed direction, one of my friends contacted another friend of hers who has much experience in radio, tv and film. He came on board and things immediately got rolling. We added another female cast member and two males who balanced the show very well. Within a couple of weeks we were meeting and filming for this new project. So for the past few months I have committed time to working on this show and helping bring the vision to life. The concept of the show is The View meets Rap City with a touch of Entertainment Tonight. So we were filming discussions on current topics, with everyone contributing a different opinion.

One of the female cast members (the last brought into the mix) decided about mid-October that she would rather be behind the scenes helping with marketing and advertising only. She thought she was timid on camera and didn't like getting confrontational with others about the topics. Because of that the producer of the show decided to have a casting call to replace her, and to also act as if she isn't a factor in the mix. She has so many other projects going on that he didn't expect her to commit much effort to the show.

So last week, we held a casting call to replace her character on the show. Then Friday we had a conference call to discuss who would be contacted for call backs. Shortly after the conference call ended, I received a call from the producer saying that he and the co-producer (my friend who asked me to be a part of the show) had been noticing a trend in my behavior. Apparently I'm rude, confrontational and intimidating. He felt that I wouldn't be a good look for the show in the long run, and he stressed the fact that it wasn't just his and her opinion. Other members of the cast (also friends of mine) had expressed to him their distaste for my personality. And after the casting call, a few people that I had just met that day said the same.

This came as a shock to me because no other cast member had expressed anything to me about it. And if the producers knew of it, why not come to me and discuss the issue? Especially as a friend. Instead, they made the executive decision to give me the axe, instead of grant the opportunity for correction. I told him I was hurt, baffled, shocked, and most of all confused. He went on to say that they were trying to figure out what the problem was with the chemistry of the show...a problem I was unaware of...and he was trying to eliminate the problem. But in the same breath, he also said he wasn't blaming me. WHAT?! At that moment, something didn't seem quite right. I knew it went deeper than just the explanation I was given.

But instead of being combative and attempting to get a real explanation, I just assured him that if the show ever needed my input, to contact me. He gave me the politically correct, "I would love to work on other projects in the future with you." And he ended it by wishing me a good night. I said, "Probably not." And that was that. I went to my parents' house and vented to my mother, who gave me so much encouragement. Then my dad chimed in with words of optimism as well. Thank God for them!

Later that night, I called my friend (the co-producer) and talked with her for a little while. I'm mature enough to separate business from friendship, and I wanted her to know that. She agreed fully and said that on a personal level nothing's changed. But I still have the burning question of why she didn't give me any insight prior to making the decision to cut me from the show. I would think that as a friend, she would have at least clue'd me in first, especially after confiding so much to me about her opinion of other things going on with the show. But who knows? There are a bunch of unanswered questions, and I refuse to harp on the situation. I have to move on, focus on other business ventures (which are currently coming into fruition), and just hope that my personal relationships with my friends is not terminally affected by my dissemination from the show.

Peace.

Ecstasy

2009-10-29T23:42:00.023-05:00

Carnival "Ecstasy" & Carnival "Fantasy"

Cozumel, Mexico

October 2009

Ecstasy, as in Carnival Ecstasy Cruise! Once again, Natalia and I had a memorable vacation. We set sail from Galveston, Texas to Cozumel, Mexico, and had a blast there and back!

Thursday afternoon started with the ship leaving nearly two hours late. By my track record, I should have expected something to go wrong. It seems as though I can't have an as-planned vacation. But it really wasn't so bad. We were able to check into our room, eat, and get a tasty alcoholic beverage before the boat even set sail. :-)

The first night was great! We ran into some fellas from the Big D who were very entertaining. Let's just say they managed to sneak several bottles of liquor onto the ship and actually brought drinks with them to dinner. Who does that?! We had a great time with them throughout the cruise. "Paul" was always drunk, "Romeo" was always asleep, and "Tha Kid" was always dancing. What a trio.

"Tha Kid" and Melrose

Thursday night was a little rocky at sea. I'm not sure if the captain was getting a kick out of making everyone slide from one side of the boat to the other, but no one was able to keep their balance that first night. The poor elderly population was trying their damndest to stay on their feet. And after a few drinks, I couldn't tell if it was me or the boat. I'm gonna say it was the boat. (It probably wasn't, but that's my story...)

Friday was mellow. We leisurely strolled around the ship, meeting new people and just relaxing. We participated in a scavenger hunt where we lost by one point. Damn! Some of the questions had us running around like headless chickens, and had other cruisers looking at us crazy! Imagine having to take pics of a bald headed stranger, a yin yang symbol and lifeboat #13 (which doesn't exist).

Dinner was one of the highlights of our trip. Each night we were served delicious gourmet cuisine and received hilarious entertainment from our waiter Tiger from the Phillippines.

Tiger

The spot to be every night was Stripes nightclub. And with 2,000 people on the ship, about 10% came to the club each night. So you can imagine it was crowded. Well, leave it to a couple of 'our people' to get in a fight. Natalia had a better view than I did. Her play-by-play consisted of the little guy getting knocked the hell out, twirling around, landing in the splits and having those little yellow birdies circling his dome. Who the hell fights on a cruise?! Well, the negroes involved were not seen nor heard from for the rest of the trip. Either there is a Carnival Cruise Jail or they were sent packing once we reached Cozumel. What a shame.

Saturday, we docked in Cozumel which is absolutely gorgeous. The water was crystal clear and the weather was perfect! We took a speed boat ride to the private island, Isla Pasion, where we were served Mexican cuisine and endless drinks. We spent approximately 5 minutes on the paddle boat before we realized it was too much damn work for vacation. And for the first time ever, I laid in a hammock! If it made sense to do so, I would definitely get one for my apartment.

Saturday night was super fun! Karaoke was hilarious. As our host would say, 'ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!' (had to be there). And afterwards we headed over to Stripes. I'm not sure when it happened or how it happened, but Natalia and I were completely sloshed. Thankfully we didn't have to drive home, because we wouldn't have made it. Natalia hit the ground a couple of times, one of which she blames on me. She says I pushed her. I say I gingerly nudged her to the side and she went tumbling due to her inebriated state. Believe who you want.

There's no way I can write about everything that happened on our cruise, but I will say we had a ridiculous time! I recommended a cruise to any and everyone...even if during your debarkation process there is a monsoon and the power goes out, killing the lights and the a/c while you're stuck dragging luggage with a broken wheel with one hand and trying not to drop your liquor with the other.

*More pictures will be posted on facebook before the end of this week.

Art & Style of Summer

2009-09-04T05:42:00.004-05:00

The fashion show was an absolute success! There's nothing better on a Saturday evening than fresh squeezed Sapphire Collins, watermelon-jalapeno kabobs, ladies in stilettos, male models and poolside jams. I had a blast co-hosting the event. It was definitely a memorable experience. Friends, fun, and fashion. You can't beat that.

A special thank you goes out to Rebecca Powe and Jen B. Shoemaker for asking me to be a part of the event. If you don't about these two heavy hitters in Austin's fashion and nightlife scene, step your game up! Ask about 'em. I'm sure every 3rd person you meet has heard of one or the other...or both.

Thanks to the sponsors:
2nd Street District http://www.2ndstreetdistrict.com/
Amli Residential http://www.amli.com/apartments/austin/2nd-street/
Art Alliance Austin http://www.artallianceaustin.org/
Bombay Sapphire Gin http://www.bombaysapphire.com/
Budweiser http://www.budweiser.com/
Delish Bakery http://www.delish-cupcakes.com/
La Condesa http://www.lacondesaaustin.com/
Malverde http://www.twitter.com/Malverde_Austin/
SALON by Milk + Honey http://www.milkandhoneysalon.com/

Sounds by:
DJ Kurupt http://www.myspace.com/therealdjkurupt/

Keep Austin Weird...and stress free!

2009-09-04T00:06:00.004-05:00

According to Forbes.com, out of the 40 largest metropolitan areas in the United States, Austin ranks #40 on the 'most stressful cities' list. Here's why, according to Forbes:

It has a year-over-year median home-price drop of only 1%, and an unemployment rate of 7.1% as of June. It also had the lowest population density.

But all my fellow Austinites know those aren't the only reasons for minimal stress. The hundreds of restaurants to choose from, great nightlife, and beautiful scenery top my list. Some may like sporting events, art, culture and history. But whatever makes and Austinite love their city is great by me!

Also, the 3 other major cities in Texas, San Antonio, Dallas, and Houston, ranked #39, #37 and #32, respectively. What can I say?...everything is better in Texas!

Some other cities to note with high stress are:

#22 Atlanta, due to declining value of homes and home purchases
#20 Miami and Las Vegas (tied), due to declining value of homes and home purchases
#11 Seattle, due to only 164 sunny days last year
#9 Washington, DC, due to poor air quality and high cost of living
#3 New York, due to high cost of living and high population density
#2 LA, due to high cost of living and high population density

and #1 goes to Chicago for having the 2nd worst air quality and an unemployment rate of 11%.

The Phoenix Austin

2009-08-29T22:37:00.008-05:00

The Phoenix Austin is the perfect blend of fun and sophistication. Located in the heart of the warehouse district, The Phoenix does not disappoint. The entire staff is welcoming, from the gorgeous brunette greeting you at the door to the boustiered bartenders to the handsome gentlemen thanking you for your patronage as you exit. Upon entry, the club is absolutely breathtaking. Mid century artwork adorns the walls, and the entire club is decked out in scarlet laced with gold, reminiscent of the beautiful mythical bird from which the club gets it's name.

I was fortunate enough to attend the press party and grand opening this past Wednesday night with several friends. Until 10pm we nibbled on complimentary hors d'oeuvres and spirits served by a well tailored wait staff. And surprisingly, once the free food and drinks were gone...the crowd didn't diminish! This was definitely the place to be. The music was on point, especially once Abe the Assassin got on the ones and twos, the drinks were flowing, and the party was amazing! The Phoenix Austin has hit the scene blazing, and I have a feeling it won't be fizzling out any time soon.

I'd also like to give a huge THANK YOU to Jen Shoemaker for showing us love and outstanding hospitality! Check out the pics!

Tasha, Becca, and Melrose

Arika, Ricardo, Melrose, Derric, and Big Money Ced

(no clue who the chick is in the background. lol.)Virginya Le and Marquette Wilkins

(The future Mr. & Mrs. Wilkins)

The Phoenix Austin Grand Opening

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Mark your calendar...

2009-08-12T02:00:00.007-05:00

I just found out that I'll be co-hosting the Art & Style fashion show to be held at the AMLI downtown in Austin! To say I'm thrilled would be an understatement. Rachel Elsberry of News 8 Austin, is my co-host. She's also a fellow blogger, with content relating to fashion in Austin. Check it out: http://fashionablyaustin.blogspot.com/

Tickets are $25 and the proceeds benefit the Art Alliance of Austin. The event will take place on August 29th from 6-9 pm poolside. Alcohol will be free the entire time, and there will also be free food from 6-7 pm. Click here for more info about the Art Alliance. http://www.artallianceaustin.org/

America's Best Dance Crew-Season 4

2009-08-12T00:56:00.004-05:00

I wonder what the heck the judges were thinking kicking off the crew Fr3sh. They kept those country bamas, Southern Movement from Tennessee and those ridiculous quick footed jigaboos of Beat Ya Feet Kings from DC?! REALLY MTV?...REALLY?! I am now convinced that the decisions aren't 100% based on that of the judges. The opinion of the execs must weigh in...heavily!

But this won't deter me from watching this season. I will still have my eyes glued to the television to see what the remaining crews can come up with. Here's one guarantee...the winning group won't be a pop-locking, head spinning, break-dancing Asian crew.

Here are my top pics...

1. Rhythm City
2. Vogue Evolution
3. We Are Heroes
4. Artistry in Motion

I especially have my eye on Vogue Evolution because Leyomi Mizrahi (the transgendered chick) can matrix and drop it like nothing I have ever seen before! And Donyelle from Artistry in Motion has been one of my favorite dancers ever since she was on the first season of So You Think You Can Dance years ago. You know we thick-hipped women have to stick together. (Or "big-boned," "pleasantly plump," "healthy"...It doesn't matter what you call it...there's still an unspoken bond between all of us across the world.)

It's too early to make a prediction on which specific crew will win, but I can guarantee it will be one of my top four. I know how to pick 'em. Check out MTV's ABDC page for more info on all the crews, plus full episodes. http://www.mtv.com/ontv/dyn/dance_crew/series.jhtml

Just a couple more pics from Friday...

2009-08-05T21:20:00.007-05:00

Here's one of Natalia and me...

Here's one of Natalia, Bun B, and me...

And here's one where I cropped Natalia right on outta there... I also found footage from backstage from B. Rich's Ustream channel. http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/1905692 or http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/1905829

Peep ya girl!

So what had happened was...

2009-08-05T01:21:00.007-05:00

I'll make this short and sweet. The diet ended Friday at approximately 7:00 pm when I had grilled chicken breast and lots of Grey Goose at The Great Hangover Tour in Houston. It was all downhill from there.

I looked like this guy once I was reunited with the spirit that is vodka.

photo courtesy of www.washingtonrugbyclub.org

The Great Hangover Tour

2009-08-05T01:07:00.013-05:00

This past Thursday, Pac Div, B.o.B., Asher Roth and Kid Cudi stopped through Stubbs' in Austin for the southern leg of their tour. Unfortunately I had to work that night and couldn't make it. Damn! But, lo and behold, the next night they were scheduled to perform in Houston. Yesssss! So I mysteriously came down with sudden cold-like symptoms and had to call in sick to work. *cough*cough* Then I packed a bag and hit the highway to H-town.

When I got there, I met up with Playboy Tre who proceeded to escort me backstage, which was very much appreciated. House of Blues is a pretty cool spot. Very artsy and cultured. Once we were in the hospitality room, I had the pleasure of meeting B.o.B.'s beautiful background vocalists, Jasmine and Ashley. According to B. Rich, combined they are Chocolate Thunder. LOL. I think it's a cute nickname. Then after B.o.B finished sound check, he introduced himself to me...for the second time. lol. I admittedly threw him off a little bit with my curly locks...much different than the bone straight look I was rocking back in March. But let me just say, this dude is the coolest, most mature, most musically talented, charismatic, and lovable 20 year old I have ever met. I am still shocked that he is so young. But it's impressive that he and his band mates and crew are doing something they truly love and are passionate about. How many of us can say that?

The rest of the night was totally awesome. Besides the concert being pretty damn great, I got to meet a lot of people I probably wouldn't have otherwise. The boys from Pac Div couldn't stop commenting on the thickness of Texas women. They were like, 'women in Cali don't look like this!' Ya damn right, they don't. And Bun B is effin' hilarious! He was shootin' the shit and had everyone rollin'! Plus, he gave the Kid Robot shirt right off his back to one of his adoring fans. *ahem* I will never wash it! :-) Asher came back after his set too. Sat on the couch and chit-chatted. Fun times! And Tre introduced me to a new term "Interracial Drinking." It's okay to mix the clear and brown. LMBAO! B. Rich was ustreaming live the whole night. Whoever was watching should have been thoroughly entertained.

Watching a concert from the wings backstage is a whole nutha experience. The crowd went crazy for everyone that hit the stage, giving ridiculous energy and singing along to every word. My highlights were Pac Div's "That's a No No," B.o.B.'s "Satellite" and "Lovelier than You." And nothing beats hanging backstage sippin' Grey Goose and going home to Bun B's t shirt.

Here are a few pics that Natalia took. I'll post more as I get 'em.

Apparently, Melrose=Sheree

2009-07-31T00:26:00.003-05:00

I took a quiz on http://www.bravotv.com/ asking which one of the housewives of Atlanta are you? The end result after taking it twice? (I had to be sure there wasn't a glitch) I am Sheree to a T. lol.

And after watching the following clip, I can kinda see that. Well, minus the protuding veins from the neck. Peep it:

http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-atlanta/videos/whatever-happened-to-customer-service

"What ever happened to customer service?"

Day Four.

2009-07-30T23:04:00.003-05:00

I don't think I'mma make it ten days.

Here's the rundown.

Day Three:

egg beaters
hashed browns (fried potatoes are surely not on the list)
shells & cheese (pasta is definitely not on the list)
garden salad w/ fat free ranch
green apple
mandarin orange
pineapple chunks
yogurt
water

Day Four:

peach
creamed spinach
cajun rice without meat
grapes
strawberry-mango smoothie made with non-fat yogurt
garden salad w/ fat free ranch
mandarin orange
pineapple
water

I feel like I can't go a day without cheating. lol. But I must admit that even with all the cheating I do, I am still eating better than I was this time last week. But six more days is going to be hard.

I went to my parents' house today to turn the place upside down looking for my birth certificate, and while I was there my momma came home and threw down on crab cakes, steamed crab legs, tilapia, catfish, french fries, cheddar biscuits, croissants, cajun rice and creamed spinach. I fought the urge once again and only ate a modest serving of spinach and rice. It was delicious, but everything else would have been so much better!

Each day it's getting harder, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to make it 10 whole days. Maybe just until Saturday. That will be six days. Six days is good, right? lol.

Look out for the next update on Sunday...day seven. Will I make it?

Day Two...

2009-07-28T02:23:00.001-05:00

Ok...so day two of my short-term diet is almost over. Since I work at night, my days really don't end until 6 am. It's actually not as bad as I thought. Here's the rundown of what I've consumed in the past couple of days...

Day One (between 11 am and midnight):

2 bowls-Italian green salad with fat free ranch (and bacon bits)
green apple with peanut butter
1 bowl-garden salad with fat free ranch
1/2 cup sauteed broccoli
1 bowl-caesar salad (with croutons and shredded parmesan)
1 glass apple juice
lots of water!

Day Two (between 2 pm and 6am):
green apple
1 glass apple juice
1 bowl-cream of wheat
1 glass orange juice
2 bowls-garden salad with fat free ranch (with shredded monterrey jack)
1 boiled egg
fresh strawberries & blackberries
mashed potatoes
coffee with splenda and sugar free hazelnut creamer
lots of water!

Ok...so I cheated a little with the cheese, croutons and bacon bits. Oh...and I also had a spoonful of spinach artichoke dip on a pinch of pita bread...and one french fry. And now that I realize it, the cream of wheat is a grain. That wasn't on my original list of things to eat, but I may add it because it was pretty filling and quite healthy. And technically, a potato isn't a vegetable as much as it is a starch. Probably won't do that again, though. Didn't quite sit well in the gut. And the peanut butter counts as being on the list because it's made from a nut. LOL...this list of cheats keeps getting longer. But I told myself that all of these are ok. It's only day 2. Let a sista make it! This is a big adjustment.

Thank God it's only temporary. Naw, honestly it isn't that bad. I could have done much worse. I eat at my parents' house pretty often because they live about 5 miles away, and my mom and sister still cook like there are 4 or 5 people in the house. I'm just there to reduce the potential leftovers. lol. Anyway...on Monday, my sister whipped up a pasta dish packed with chicken, and my mother seasoned some french bread with fresh chopped garlic and whipped butter. But the only thing that touched my lips was the broccoli. :-( And later that night I went bowling with friends. While everyone was slammin' on smothered french fries, spinach artichoke dip, mini burgers, and margaritas, I was munchin' on a salad like Peter Cottontail. (Except for the couple of cheat bites.) Then today, my sister made one of my favorite dishes. Meatloaf. Once again...broccoli only. And then she made teacakes. My favorite cookie. Mallory...are you effing kidding me?! But I held my ground and proved to myself I had some will power. 2 dozen cookies were calling my name. Then my dad asked me to cash in his lottery ticket and get a 6 pack of Corona. Really, Dad?...Really?

So two days down...8 to go. I may do this every couple of months. Well...ask me again at the end of the 10th day. lol. I'll keep posting my progress. Later y'all. It's strawberry time!

Here goes nothing!

2009-07-27T21:59:00.002-05:00

It's time for me to do some cleansing...in several areas of my life. But for now I'll focus on my nutrition. My eating habits have gone downhill since I started my new job. I work at night, I'm pretty much stationary at work, and these folks around here order food all the damn time! Not that I have to place an order...but, oh...the pressure! LOL.

So to kick start new eating habits, I'm going to go TEN WHOLE DAYS eating only vegetables, fruit and yogurt. And the only beverages I'll be consuming are fruit juices with no sugar added, tea with a sugar substitute and water. That means 10 days without meat, fish, poultry, dairy, sugar, and most important...ALCOHOL! What is I gon' do without my spirits?! LOL.

I shouldn't trip though. This isn't near as harsh as the cayenne pepper-lemonade cleanse that I did a couple years back. No solid food. Only a mixture of water, fresh squeezed lemon and lime juice, cayenne pepper and sugar free syrup. I sipped on 64 ounces of that daily for six days. I surprisingly wasn't hungry, but it was still torturous to smell everyone else's plates full of delicious eats and treats. I did however drop 12.5 pounds in those six days. Now that I think about it, maybe I should do that more often.

But this is day one of ten. And of course I had to have one more shabang before my meatless, sugarless, breadless, alcohol-less week and a half began. So this past weekend I went to Houston and indulged in a gourmet dinner at Zula, drank heavily Saturday night and murdered the Sunday Brunch soul food buffet at Grooves. And what I wouldn't do right now for another beef and shrimp stuffed bell pepper! LOL. Let the countdown begin.

If you have nothing nice to say...

2009-07-24T02:15:00.007-05:00

then don't say anything at all. Today the paparazzi posted pics of Solange with a fresh new cut.

And the internet went nuts! Most commented that Solange was trying to bite off Amber Rose or that 'she must be going through something.' Some went so far as to say it's a publicity stunt. I am appalled at how many negative comments have been posted. I disagree. You don’t have to be ‘going through something’ or ‘trying to make a statement’ to cut your hair. And I don’t deem this as a ‘WTF’ moment, either.

Solange got tired of all the negative attention and decided to set the record straight on her twitter page. She said the following:

listen. if. i. wanted. to. make. a. statement. i. would. have. twitpic’d. photo shoot. ect. i. was. simply. taking. my. son. to. school. stupid. paps. took. pic. ive. had. my. hair. cut. like. this. for. two. weeks. i. was. NOT. inspired. by anyone. but. my. self. i. have. done. this. twice. in. my. life. i. was 16. i was 18. did. not care about your opinion. then. dont. care. now. dont. need. your. attention. or. your. co-sign. dont. want. a. edge. up. or a perm. because. im not trying. to make this “a style” or a statement. i. just. wanted. to. be. free. from. the. bondage. that. black. women sometimes. put. on. themselves. with. hair. this. phase. of. my. life. i. want to spend . the time. the energy. and the money. on something else. not in the hair salon. im. not. mad. at . all of you. that have made your opinions known. and have sent negative. energy. my way. i expected this of you. you. have. the right to have. an opinion. so. do. i.

I felt her the most when she said she 'just wanted to be free from the bondage that Black women sometimes put on themselves with hair.' That is so true. I have done the same thing 3 times in the last 6 years. Each time my hair has grown back to past shoulder-length without the help of wigs or weaves. IT’S JUST HAIR! And surprise!…IT GROWS BACK! It’s sad that people associate hair with beauty, especially Black women. And most Black women aren't even sporting hair that grew from their own scalps! And please stop the Amber Rose comparisons. This look of natural beauty is rocked effortlessly by both women…and it will be rocked by many to come.

Here's a couple throwback pics of me with the short and natural. You know you love it. Ow!

2009-07-22T16:43:00.003-05:00

Gentlemen, please take the time to read the following categories describing different women and choose the one who sounds more appealing. Read all descriptions thoroughly without scrolling down to the end to peek at the results. (And women, we can replace these descriptions with that of men. It works both ways.)

Category 1:

Woman A:
About 5'5" tall. Fair skinned. Slim/average build. About a size 8. Athletic.

Woman B:
About 5'9" tall. Brown skinned. Large frame. About a size 18. Plump, but not obese.

Category 2:

Woman C:
Has a bachelor's degree. Will most likely continue her education in the near future.

Woman D:
Barely received a high school diploma. Has no aspirations to even apply to community college.

Category 3:

Woman E:
Unemployed.

Woman F:
Has a career and is steadily moving up the ladder, consistently receiving promotions and new positions at work.

Category 4:

Woman G:
Speaks eloquently.

Woman H:
Sounds like T.I.'s fiance, Tiny.

Category 5:

Woman I:
Has 3 kids from a possible 5 fathers, one of which is in prison. She also just finished a 10 month stint for aggravated robbery.

Woman J:
No children. Never been married. Has no criminal record.

Now scroll down to read about your choices.
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In category 1: If you chose woman A, you also chose woman D, E, H, and I from the other categories. They are all the same woman. Light and bright ain't always right. You may have someone that society views as beautiful and automatically assumes is of mixed race, making them "exotic," but you fail when it comes to choosing a woman of quality. I'm not saying this is always the case. But in recent conversation with a friend of mine, we noticed that whenever we're out with our light-skinned friends (who may or may not have much to offer), we brown-skinned folk are put on the back burner. Don't limit yourself to one ideal type of female that you think would be delicious arm candy. Expand your horizons because the blacker berries may just be sweeter.

Which brings me to the polar opposite female. If you chose woman B in category 1, CONGRATULATIONS! You have just scored yourself what most should view as the ideal female. She is degreed, speaks well, and comes with no baggage. Who wouldn't want her? Oh yeah...those who can't get past the physical appearance. But those of you who chose woman B, or chose to not choose either woman A or B in category 1, prove the theory that there are some men out there who can appreciate a woman from the inside out. And for you, those of us who are sometimes overlooked say 'thanks.'

And let me clarify...all of my friends are attractive in their individual right and have no problem getting attention from men. But it needs to be said that more than just the exterior should be taken into consideration. This post comes solely from a conversation of recent observations between friends. I'm not trying to get hate mail or nasty grams from you fellas saying we shouldn't be bitter or hate on our home girls for getting more play. That's not at all the case. This is just meant to bring awareness of how some females feel when they know they bring more to the table but still get overlooked due to shallow men.

Moral of the story...don't judge a book by it's cover. You may end up with a gorgeous female at first; but once you take her home and the weave, heels, booty & breast pads, fake nails, and make-up come off, all you may be left with is an ignorant, uneducated, pig whose glamour is all a façade.

I'm just sayin.

Road trip, anyone?

2009-07-19T02:38:00.006-05:00

It's about that time to feel like a kid again. Last year it was Six Flags Over Georgia. This time I'm feeling Six Flags Fiesta Texas.

This looks like one big cluster-f*ck...but I can't wait to hop on!

It's going down one weekend in August. Or maybe September or October when it's not so damn hot. Any takers?

http://www.sixflags.com/fiestaTexas/index.aspx

Smile and Wave

2009-07-10T21:34:00.006-05:00

I love the new girl group, Rich Girl. Peep the photo...

Can you say CALIENTE?

I was hooked on this group after their first single "He ain't with me now" hit the internet blazing. Their voices are hearty and sultry. And one of them will even spit rhymes. Unfortunately the industry buzz seems to be behind a similar girl group by the name of Electrik Red. I'm clueless as to why.

I'm sorry, but Electrik Red is not near as talented as Rich Girl. Each one of these girls brings a different element to the group with a more mature sound than any of the ER girls could ever dream of. And the ER girls don't hold a candle to the women of Rich Girl's overall look. It looks like a bunch of rebellious kids trying to compete with polished professionals.

See for yourself...

Sorry Def Jam...hated it.

Moving along...check out Rich Girl's new single featuring Chris Brown, "Smile and Wave." Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9q8mbO00RA&feature=player_embedded

RG photo and song link courtesy of http://hiphop-prophet.blogspot.com/

O, Sixty Nine!

2009-07-10T05:35:00.017-05:00

I'm at it again. I went to bingo this past Tuesday. Tuesday is bargain night. So I dragged my sister out with me and this time we got there early enough to get seats in the non-smoking section. Thank God. My lungs couldn't take another week of having to sit next to Velma and Earl smoking Basics and wheezing the entire night.

Becca and Toya also joined us. Becca sat down with 72 bingo cards for both sessions, about 20 instant-win pull tabs, and a bag full of daubers. She may need bingo rehab. Toya had about the same, claiming she had never been to bingo before. I gave her major side-eye action on that comment. Anywho...soon after we all got situated, the session started.

Game 1...two numbers away from bingo. Game 2...three numbers away from bingo. Game 3...I don't want to talk about it. Game 4...worse than game three. Game 5...three numbers away. And just like that, the first session had come and gone and I didn't win any of the possible $2500. My sister and I hate losing and are not the biggest gamblers, so we left Becca and Toya there to lose on their own in the second session.

We get to my parents' house and I notice my dad has one of the new $500,000,000 scratch offs that cost him a pretty twenty. I asked if I could scratch it off, since it was just sitting there calling my name. To win is simple: Reveal 20 numbers to match any one of the four winning numbers and you win the prize under that number instantly. If you reveal a coin symbol, you instantly win the amount under all 20 numbers combined. I had already scratched off 15 numbers and not one of them matched the winning numbers. But when I got to that 16th number, I damn near began to hyperventilate.

Is a coin symbol staring back at me??? Hells yes, it is! So then I frantically scratch off the remaining four numbers and realize the prize under each number is $25. I quickly did the math. $25 x 20 = $500. So I tell my dad, "you just won $500." He didn't flinch. "Dad! Seriously...you won $500!" He calmly stands up, walks over to me, stares at the card for five minutes, puts his coffee down, and walks out the door. Fifteen minutes later, he walks back in, goes straight to his bedroom, then comes back in the living room and hands my sister and me $20 each. TWENTY DOLLARS?! That's all I get? You mean to tell me that you just came up on $480 and all I get is a measly twenty? In my mind, I'm thinking he would have divided the $480 evenly. Each of us would get $120. And because he and my mom share everything, they would have half the money to themselves. It's still a come-up. But nooooooooooo...those hopes were crushed when all I got out of the deal was enough for 1/2 a tank of gas and a big box meal from KFC.

But I graciously said 'thank you' and kept all the aforementioned comments to myself. After all, he really didn't have to share any of his winnings. Glad he did though. I murdered that 2-piece!

No, Mom...She's just a slut...

2009-07-10T05:11:00.005-05:00

I was on http://www.stumbleupon.com/ when I came across an article about a woman in Warsaw, Poland wanting to sue a popular hotel because her 13 year old daughter came back from vacation pregnant. Why sue the hotel, do you ask? Well, the woman is claiming her daughter got pregnant from stray sperm in the community pool.

Oh, if you could only see my 'HEIFER, PLEASE' face right now...

Does this woman truly believe that someone ejaculated in the pool, and the sperm miraculously swam by everyone else and found itself a home inside her teenage daughter's vagina?! This is ridiculum to the fullest! I hate to say it home girl...but your daughter probably snuck out of her hotel room and had a late night quickie with one of the bell hops in a maid's closet somewhere.

I'm smdh at the daughter who told her mother this story, and even more so at the mother for believing it, repeating it, and filing a law suit.

Read for yourself here: http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3394806.html?menu=/

Mid-Night madness!

2009-07-10T00:15:00.008-05:00

One night at work, hunger pains struck at about 3 am. Usually I keep a bag of grapes or an orange or something in the community fridge, but for once I didn't have a snack to satisfy my hunger. So I left work, at the permission of my supervisor, and headed out to pick up some grub. Besides, she wanted a Big Red.

So nothing is really open in the area that late except for Mc Donald's. This is probably my last choice, but what could I do? I pulled into the drive-thru and was immediately approached by a scraggly looking black man with an out-of-control salt & pepper afro and no shirt. Before I could even place my order, he was asking me if I had spare change, the same as he had done for the car ahead of me. "Uh, no!" was my quick reply. He looked frustrated and hungry, but he said thank you and walked away.

But he didn't go far. After I placed my order and rounded the corner, there he was standing at window #1. So I pulled up to pay, and as soon as the girl opened the window, she was greeted with his mug staring back at her. She jumped back, scared out of her mind, but she somehow managed to take my money and give me change before slamming the window shut again.

This fool then had the nerve to ask me for my change! Again...NO! He then tried to get the attention of the attendant at the window. She was refusing to open it, until 2 other people on foot (WTH?!) came up to the window asking to place an order. They looked harmless, maybe not homeless, but definitely car-less. As soon as she opened the window, the black dude asked her for spare change. Relentless! When she said no, he banged his fist up against the wall, scaring her, and the two vehicularly challenged patrons. I had enough. This dude was probably a transient, but his ass was getting on my nerves. So I got on the celly and called 911 to report harassment. By the time I got to the second window, three police vehicles came out of nowhere and had him detained. Ouch! As I drove off eating my fries and chicken sandwich, I kinda felt bad.

Then I was off to get the Big Red. I pulled up to the Texaco and grabbed a cup for the Big Red at the fountain drink station. But there was a big ol' note posted that read, "ALL FOUNTAIN DRINKS OUT OF ORDER." So then I go to the cooler and look for a 20 ounce. No luck. Then I look for the 12 ounce can. None. %$#&! Then the cashier suggests a 3 Liter. Um, that's a little too much Big Red. Not to mention I knew we were out of cups at work. So I asked him if he's sure that the fountain drinks were out of order. He was like "Iono. I ain't been hurr in a cupla days." Something told me to go check the machine myself. I pushed the button and sure enough, out came a steady flow of fizzly Big Red. I gave him the evil eye, filled up the cup, paid and chunked deuce. I'd already been gone from work for almost 30 minutes thanks to the McDonald's fiasco and now this.

I get to work, scoop everything up and head inside. But in the parking lot, I was approached by what I thought was a small bear. A closer look would reveal it to be the largest swamp mutant raccoon I had ever seen. Thankfully it was just as afraid of me as I was of it, and it ran back into the brush. But then out of the corner of my left eye, I saw a family of about 7 or 8 black cats purring and hissing, ready to attack for my fries. I have never scurried across that parking lot so quickly in my life. I didn't know what the hell else was going to appear out of the bushes. And there actually are swamp-like marshlands right behind the building, so some other creature popping up is very possible.

Needless to say, I haven't gone on a late night food run since.

Oh, Mr. Dickey!

2009-07-09T22:37:00.005-05:00

African-American literature is one of my weaknesses. Sometimes I will curl up with a glass of wine, some dark chocolate and a good book instead of hittin up the club with my peeps. My latest addiction is anything by Eric Jerome Dickey. I just finished reading the first two of a 4-part series; Sleeping with Strangers and Waking with Enemies. And I have to encourage anyone to rush and pick them both up...NOW! The main character, Gideon, is a hit man who is trying to escape his own hit man, and having steamy sexcapades in the meantime. The third book in the series, Dying For Revenge, is already in stores. Even though I have yet to pick it up, I'm sure it won't disappoint. And the last, Resurrecting Midnight, is due out this August.

Go to http://www.ericjeromedickey.com/ for details on all books this amazing author has written, dating back to 1996!

I just picked up Pleasure and I can't wait to report back on it.

And if you have the patience to wait for the US postal service, go to http://www.half.com/ and you can get books on the cheap! Just type in Eric Jerome Dickey as the author and sort the books according to price. Some are as low as $.75 and are in good condition. Happy reading!

All pictures courtesy of http://www.ericjeromedickey.com/.

Dear God...

2009-07-09T22:15:00.006-05:00

Thank you for blessing me with eyes to see this well sculpted creature. Every time I hear 'Grippin on the Bed,' I get a little tingly. I love the song and I did some google-ing to find out the face behind the voice. Not only did I find the face, but the body it's attached to. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm!

Photo courtesy of http://musicremedy.com/

I also did some digging and found the video as well. The song has been out since last year, but I have never seen the vid for some reason. It also features Ludacris. Peep it...

http://www.slack-time.com/music-video-3413-Sean-Garrett-Grippin-On-My-Bed

And yet another pic... I am so loving the tattoos.

Photo courtesy of http://www.yahdigg.com/

Lord knows I love me some eye candy!

What the hell...part 2

2009-06-04T05:07:00.004-05:00

Ok. I am damn near at a loss for words right now. If you haven't read the post directly below this titled 'What the hell,' please do so before reading this post. Then scroll back up to this one to read this supplemental post.

I posted a link to the below blog on Twitter (www.twitter.com/the512melrose) for all of my followers and friends to read. One person inparticular, whose name was disguised by asterisks, took offense. But did he take offense with the person who called him a faggot ass? No! He took offense with me, thinking somehow I was the one who called him a faggot. What-in-the-who-what-when-where-why-and how-hell?!

Clearly, the words in blue are from 'Him.' The words in red are from 'Me.' Anyone with a set of eyes can see that the phrase "RI***** FAGGOT A** CL*****" is written in blue, meaning I DID NOT SAY IT. Even after pointing this out and asking him to carefully re-read the blog, he still derived that I somehow put out there that he was a faggot ass. That is not my opinion.

As a matter of fact, over the years that I have known Ernest (the jerk from the below post), he has made it clear that he dislikes Ri*****. Whenever he wanted to make a comparison of himself to someone I had previously dated, he always used Ri*****'s name because he thought he was better than him (and he was the only person that he knew by name that I had dated). So if there is any resentment from Ri*****, it should be directed to Ernest who made the comment, not me. But that's not the case. No matter how much reasoning I preached, he still is in disbelief that this comment didn't come from me.

My other friends read the blog and had no problems understanding that the point was to blast Ernest. The ONE LINE that came from SOMEONE ELSE was a mere minor detail included in a text conversation posted in its entirety. I asked Ernest for details on what he said about sucking and f*cking. Him being a smart ass, responded with saying that the fagg comment was all the detail I need. I'm not sure if I can clarify this any further.

I even went on Twitter and sent out a mass tweet saying that he and I are friends and I don't speak negatively about my friends. Saying that was a useless effort. So damn...there's obviously a lack of reading comprehension going on here. So for the last time, Ri*****, I DID NOT THIS TIME AND HAVE NOT EVER CALLED YOU A FAGGOT ASS.

And if this final attempt doesn't work, I'm asking anyone who knows Ri***** to please break it down for him.

What the hell...

2009-06-03T23:10:00.007-05:00

The following post is a text conversation between me and Ernest Carter (of the Del Valle/Bastrop Carters). I've known him for about 5 years and we've had a roller coaster relationship ever since meeting. Just before he came to Austin a few weeks ago, he told me he's getting married on June 20. But that didn't stop him from trying to get in my panties when he was in town. I politely declined and left him frustrated.

Here's a little history about our relationship, which was never really official due to all the ups and downs. It was on when we first met and he lived in the Austin area. Then off when he decided to move to Houston all out the blue. Then on again when I saw his cousin and was able to pass along a message for him to call me. Then off again when he told me about his girlfriend and daughter. Then on again when I saw him randomly in Houston one day. Then off again when he stood me up for a movie date. Then on again when I unexpectedly saw him in Austin. Then off again with the following conversation.

Tuesday...
Him: I want to f*ck and suck every part of you.

Wednesday...
Me: What is it that u want to do to me?
Him: What do u mean?
Me: What u said earlier...i want details.

hours later on Wednesday...
Me: So i guess i don't get details?
Him: No
Me: Why?
Him: Have we ever had details?
Me: First time for everything.
Him: Not 2day.
Me: What's the problem?
Him: Nothing
Me: Ok. So seriously...details.
Him: I luv my future wife and cutting off any ties now!
Him: All numbers are lost
Me: Ha. Dont come at me like that as if u didnt just say a day ago that u want to f*ck and suck every part of me. You were singing a different tune then. And dont try to be all high and mighty about SUDDENLY being faithful.
Him: Do what
Me: What do u mean do what?
Him: Im done
Me: What are u confused about? I'm saying you shouldnt say what u dont mean. I have a 'special place?' Yeah right. One day your daughter will meet a man just like u who misleads her, hurts her and then rubs it in her face. I hope u are there to witness what she's going through.
Him: I make her happy, take care of our daughter and my house, and thats all that matters!
Me: Hmmm...and if she knew u cheated it would be all over! lmao
Me: Keep trying to convince yourself that u are a good man.
Him: She believes me not any1 else thats who she's marrying, im not good ima a great man thats why im hers
Me: Hahaha. Keep telling yourself that. Great men are faithful. You are not. Now u want to be a changed man? Trash.
Me: *dead*
Him: What do u call yourself u cant leave the club without the whole parking lot tryna 2 f*ck everybody i know done been with u
Me: Dont try to insult me to make yourself feel better
Him: Ur dead so stop sending me text
Him: Always better than RI***** FAGGOT A** CL***** those are your details! :D
Me: You have nothing on me so u bring up a relationship from 5 years ago? Thats funny.
Me: Have fun lying front of the congregation at your wedding.
Him: Ok. Thanks!

So let's point out a few things.

1) HE INITIATED THE CONVERSATION. I suppose since I didn't immediately respond, he had time to think and change his mind about the whole thing.
2) Halfway through the conversation he brags about being able to tell his wife anything knowing she'll believe him, lies or not. Some 'great man' he is.
3) His 'house' is an old ass apartment near Fountainview/Richmond in Houston. And he doesn't take care of home working for $10/hr mailing packages for UPS. His fiance is the bread winner. She's a college graduate with a real career.
4) I said he was dead first, so when he wanted to end the conversation, he tells me I'm dead and to stop texting. Wack.
5) I have never slept with anyone he knows other than one ex BOYFRIEND. And with him living in another city, how does he know what happens in the parking lot in Austin at the end of the night? And even if the whole parking lot IS tryna f*ck, that definitely doesn't mean I'm trying to f*ck the whole parking lot. Dumb ass.
6) And bringing up a relationship from so long ago was just plain irrelevant. More proof that this idiot truly has no dirt on me. I speak in the present, not the past. He is CURRENTLY cheating. I don't have to dig up old skeltons to make my point.

Well, best of luck to him having an epiphany a mere 17 days before he jumps the broom. I know him well enough to know that if a piece of ass crosses his path and he thinks he can get away with slidin' up in it without his wife knowing, he'll go for it. Men like this don't deserve wives and especially don't deserve the blessing of a daughter.

Male insight...

2009-05-29T23:53:00.005-05:00

On Tuesday night I went out with some of my guy friends. All my girls were being wack and stayed at home. But I'm glad that didn't deter me from hitting the town. I had a blast. We started at Prague, had a couple drinks, said wassup to Kurupt and then headed over to Lucky Lounge. Bigger crowd, inferior selection of music. So as Cornbread, JJ and I stood there watching the pale crowd enjoy sub-par music, we started talking about getting play in the clubs. Cornbread is on the hunt for a White girl. He said finding one isn't the problem. It's finding one he can relate to. So JJ reminds him that he's ultimately attracted to girls that are Hispanic, so if a White girl can't live up to his expectations of what Hispanic girls bring to the table, then he'll never relate to one. Then I chime in and say...eff trying to pick a certain race! Can I just get a decent man to approach ME? Why the hell do I always have to be the one to make the first move?

In the past I've heard it's because I look like I'm stuck up, or a bitch, or men are intimidated by my demeanor. WTF EVER! If a man can't approach me for any of the above reason, then he's WEAK! Plain and simple. A man should be able to put a woman in check (in the most caring way possible) and let her know it's not all about her sometimes, or tame her bitchy attitude. And they definitely should never be intimidated by a woman. Men are dominant creatures in many aspects, and if my demeanor intimidates a man, I sure as hell don't want him any way. Does that mean in an altercation on the street you'd stand behind me because my mean-mug cuts like a knife? Uh, no thank you.

But Cornbread said that's not it at all. Apparently men have been giving me the googaly-eye, but get discouraged becaused they see me with my male friends and think I must be dating at least one of them. Hmmm...should I accept this explanation? Part of me wants to be glad that a man has enough chivalry to not interrupt me when I'm talking to another man. Another side of me wants to think that a man who is really interested should be able to find a window of opportunity, no matter how small, in which he can make his move. I'm pretty observant, and I haven't noticed these supposed admirers. But trust, I'll be on the look out now.

While we were at Lucky, we ran into Jeff Davis (love this guy). He was with Rich and a couple of other friends. He walked past us and said, "Black people, follow me." And with that, we were off to Betsy's Bar/Hi-Lo (aka Jeff's newest business venture.) While we were there, he explained in detail the changes to come to Hi-Lo. Mark my words: Austin isn't ready. When we were chatting, the topic of Black women who go out in Austin came up. After seeing a couple of nice looking Black women waiting in line at Red Fez one night, Jeff offered to take them to Betsy's to get a drink. Their response? "Who the f*ck are you to be buying me drinks?" So, he politely let their asses wait in line all night, grabbed the nearest White girls, went to Betsy's for drinks, then returned to Red Fez, skipped the line, and flaunted the White women in front of the unappreciative Black women from earlier (who were still thirsty). It was interesting to see this point of view as to why some Black men venture to other races. So take note, Black women. Don't always try and lead. Follow sometimes. It pays off.

PROTEST HIGHLAND MALL!

2009-04-09T20:12:00.003-05:00

This past weekend The University of Texas held it's 82nd Annual Clyde Littlefield Texas Relays. Each year, people from all over the state of Texas, Oklahoma, and even Florida & California (mostly Black & Hispanic) travel to Austin for a fun-filled weekend of sports and nightlife. A common hang out spot during this weekend is Highland Mall, known as the 'urban' mall. Well, this particular weekend, Highland Mall officials decided to close it's doors to shoppers at 2 pm. This comes as a slap in the face to those who have spent their hard earned money at this mall for years. I've lived in Austin for 17 years and have shopped at Highland Mall for just as long...before Lakeline Mall, The Domain, The Hill Country Galleria and Round Rock Outlets even existed. But that ends now.

This Saturday, April 11th there will be a protest held at Highland Mall in Austin, TX at 9:00 am.

According to Nelson Linder, President of Austin's NAACP chapter, the demonstrations will be held on the side walk facing Airport Blvd. in front of Highland Mall. Ten Captains, will organize participants to encircle the mall, beginning on Airport and extending East on Highland Mall Blvd. The goal is to utilize the side walk as a circle and face traffic. Security also will be available and evident.

The following excerpt was taken from today's issue of the Austin-American Statesman, written by Christine Williams.

Highland Mall closed early on Saturday, a day when the Texas Relays were in town, "because the safety and security of our shoppers and retailers is our top priority," according to an e-mail from the mall's general manager. Because the Texas Relays attract visitors who are mostly African American, the mall closing sends the message that Austin does not welcome their business. But the reaction from the blogosphere was mixed, with some defending the mall's action as prudent in the face of an unwelcome invasion of rowdy teenagers.

The struggle to racially integrate lunch counters in the 1960s made history. But equally important was the struggle to integrate shopping. The Highland Mall debacle shows that society is far from achieving that goal.

During the civil rights era, equal access to stores was high on the list of demands for racial justice. Before Jim Crow laws were repealed, many stores restricted their facilities to whites only. Black customers often were not allowed to try on clothes, eat at lunch counters, or use public restroom facilities in stores.

Today the worst forms of racism have been eliminated. Gone are the "whites only" signs on restrooms and drinking fountains. But some stores still exclude. The history of suburban malls is a history of intentional racial segregation. Even today, so-called desirable retail locations are characterized by limited access. Just try to reach The Domain on public transit. As Chris Rock observed, there are two kinds of malls: ones where white people shop and ones where white people used to shop.

One way that many stores show hostility to racial and ethnic minorities is through consumer racial profiling. Like racial profiling in police work, that involves detaining, searching and harassing such people more often than is done for whites, usually because they are suspected of stealing. Professor Jerome Williams at the University of Texas has labeled this potential violation of people's rights "shopping while black."

My research confirms that African Americans suffer discrimination in stores; middle-class whites, on the other hand, are privileged. We do not recognize this precisely because it is so customary. Whites expect first-rate service; when they don't receive it, some feel victimized, even discriminated against, and some throw tantrums when they don't get what they want. In my study, when white women didn't get what they wanted, many would shout, "I will never shop in this store again!" — and then they would be appeased. When African American customers shout or make a scene, managers call or threaten to call the police.

We have federal laws to protect people from racial discrimination in workplaces and public accommodations, but not in retail establishments. If we do not tolerate racism in our workplaces, restaurants or hotels, we certainly should not tolerate it in our stores.

Williams, a professor of sociology at the University of Texas, wrote 'Inside Toyland: Working, Shopping and Social Inequality.'

Will you be there? I will.

Anal talk

2009-04-09T04:28:00.005-05:00

Before you say 'ewwww'...get your minds out of the gutter. I'm referring to my borderline anal-retentive ways in which I express my dislike in things I see, or more often hear. To be correct I strolled over to Wikipedia and found where anal-retentive is defined as the following:

commonly abbreviated to "anal", is used conversationally to describe a person with such attention to detail that the obsession becomes an annoyance to others, and can be carried out to the detriment of the anal-retentive person.

So be annoyed with me if you may, but if it bothers me, I'm going to say so. And with that said, I laugh at those who try to sound intelligent, but come just short of doing so.

Like when I was speaking to an acquaintance about wine. I was explaining how I picked up a bottle of Shiraz-Grenache blend. He was so quick to correct me (so he thought) saying, "Isn't it pronounced 'Syrah'?" Though I applaud his effort to try and be the source of information, Syrah and Shiraz are actually two different names for the same type of wine. Apparently he hadn't heard of the alternate name. Bothersome.

Or I could talk about the time when a certain bartender (and I say that loosely) at Karma Lounge tried to jump fly with me about red wines. I asked for a red wine. She offered merlot. I asked for a different type of red wine. She stated, 'merlot is a red wine." Then when I rattled off about 5 other reds to choose from, her face turned Shiraz-Grenache red (chuckle) and she was left standing behind the bar looking dumb as another bartender promptly poured a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. SMH.

Or what about the time when I was chatting it up with some friends about a delicious new liqueur. I'm half way through my story when one of my smarty-pants pals said, 'what the f*ck is a liqueur' as if he were calling me out. We all turned and looked like, where the f*ck have you been this whole conversation?! Apparently he thought I was mispronouncing liquor the whole time. Wow.

SXSW Recap...finally.

2009-03-27T01:00:00.011-05:00

There's no way I can possibly recount every detail that occurred this past week during what has gone down as music history in Austin. I'll try to point out the highlights while keeping it short and sweet.

Wednesday: After copping wristbands the day before and not having to wait in line :) (thanks to Rich for that) my sister and I headed to the evening shows at the Levi's Fader fort. The only person I was concerned with seeing was B.o.B. (aka Bobby Ray). Weeks ago I had seen his "I'll be in the Sky" vid and fell in love with his eclectic/hip hop/rock thing he has going on. So I made sure I was at the foot of the stage, front and center. And boy was I happy to have picked that spot! I was in the perfect position to see Bobby Ray and his band KILL it! Alien is ridiculous on the drums. Wish I knew the guitarist's name, but he was majorly rockin' out, too. And Bobby Ray's stage presence is so impressive. Some people were clueless prior to his performance, but definitely fans once he left the stage. And when I say left the stage, I mean, put his guitar down on jumped off the stage to ground level to mingle. And I can't forget about Playboy Tre. His song is still ringing..."I do it for the have-nots...and keep a ice cold beer, like I'm the liquor store mascot." So catchy. And I soooo felt him on that one. Fader provided SoCo and Budweiser all day and all night. And I took full advantage of that. :) I was NICE by about sem thurty.

We dipped right after that and headed to some local artist's shows. We hit up Fuze and caught a glimpse of Gerald G., Blofly and Tum Tum. DJ Hella Yella was there as well promoting his Throwaway Mix Tape vol. 1. "Body all stiff, but that ass just movin!" and "On my momma...On my hood...I look fly...I look Good" were quoted all weekend thanks to that joint. It features all the hood hits and helped us get through our daily drives of fighting traffic downtown. The night ended with an impromptu open mic jam session at Ivy Lounge where anyone who was bold enough to do so took the stage. I didn't. Some did. Some shouldn't have.

Thursday: We hit Fader early to see Janelle Monae perform around 3-ish. That was interesting. I love her songs, but I have mixed feelings about her performance. She definitely performed, but there was a bit of a disconnect with the crowd. She danced crazily around the stage and then zoned out and departed like an alien headed back to the mother ship. She says she is a creature from another planet, and I believe her. But when she sang 'Smile' she came back down to Earth. Her vocals are incredible and that will absolutely keep me listening. Later that night, after a long and much needed nap, we hit up Red Fez and saw Mike Maven perform an AMAZING set. It was hosted by his homie Sixth Sense who rocked wild freestyles all night. Also hitting the stage were P.Casso, Outasight, and Fresh Daily, which was so unexpected. It made me happy that we were too late to the Dallas Austin/Big Boi show. Afterwards, we got a chance to mix it up with Mike and Sixth Sense. Both are mad cool.

Friday: Chill day. We didn't hit downtown until the late afternoon. And we almost immediately had to get back in the car and drive alllllllllllllllllllll the way back to Pflugerville because somebody (Mallory) forgot her ID. Yeah, we could have gotten into our usual spots like Gruv, Red Fez and Lucky Lounge, but what if we wanted to venture elsewhere?...which we did. I was so beyond aggravated. But I guess the turn around trip wasn't that bad. We made it back downtown in less than an hour, AND we stopped at Marble Slab Creamery on the way. Nothing beats a white chocolate waffle bowl with amaretto ice cream and fresh berries on a hot, sunny day. Yum. It did however cause us to miss out on Bobby Ray's performance at Peckerheads along with Playboy Tre...again. We got there just as the band was packing up and leaving. Dayum! But...the band members were so nice that they informed us of the next performance spot later that night. Turns out we were headed that way anyhow where Raekwon was scheduled to headline at Malverde. Cool. But outside was none other than Kid Cudi. We exchanged daps, hugs and handshakes. And he is THE MOST PATIENT rapper ever. He stood there as Ced's camera acted a little janky and decided at that moment to not work. He even gave tips! "Try holding it down longer until it flashes." It worked. (Still waiting on that pic from Ced.) After that we hiked all the way over to 2nd & Guadalupe where we did a little sweet talking and weaseled our way into the rsvp only joint. (Thanks C-Mo.) We ended up on the stage (literally) and enjoyed a night full of the 'up and coming, new movement of hip hop.' The first four or five acts were forgettable. Really, Mallory and I have both been wracking our brains trying to remember the names of those people. And the internet hasn't been a help either. But Mickey Factz hit the stage and introduced a few folks to us. But the group Proton stood out because of their energy and the fact that their names are Larry and Thomas. That's it. No L-Jizzle and T-Money or some shit like that. Just Larry and Thomas. Then Bobby Ray hit the stage and I was damn near in the lap of Alien the drummer. He got me wet! I would explain, but I'd rather let your minds wander. I do have his drumstick though and a blindfold was involved. ;) Thanks!

Hanging out at the venue after the show proved to be worth it. Lots of the artists were outside mixing it up. GLC, Bun B and Bobby Ray may be THE nicest hip hop artists EVER as they posted up on the corner and chatted with us. Loved that.

Saturday: Late start again. But we did hit up Fader for the 3rd time that week. This time, it was a much different scene. It wasn't just a couple hundred true music fans hangin' out hoping to hear a hot new artist. This crowd was 10 times that large. Word got out that the special guest on the GOOD music bill was Kanye, and that created a frenzy. This time we had to fight our way to the front. When we got there Bun B was on stage and it was a full out sing along. The entire crowd knew every word to every UGK joint that was being played. Apparently Rick Ross couldn't make it and Bun stepped in and saved the day. I totally forgot about Officer Ricky once H-Town's finest hit the mic. Then Jadakiss rocked it. Eh. Good show, but I wasn't super excited about it. He was hot though. As he shoulda been. He and his entire crew were all sportin' black tees. In the words of Jadakiss himself, 'Why?' It was about 90 degrees in the shade with a squeeze breeze and an ice cold beer in hand. Then the hour long wait for the crew to reset the stage caused tempers to flare. Everyone was aggravated about everything. But that soon went away when the rumors about Kanye rang true and he hit the stage. The next 2+ hours were filled with incredible talent. Kanye introduced artists on his GOOD label: Big Sean, GLC, Consequence, Kid Cudi & Mr. Hudson. Big name artists such as Common and Erykah Badu SHUT IT DOWN. The Erykah, Common and Kanye freestyle session was on point. Erykah killed 'em though with lines like "Bitches can get it, but I ain't stuntin' they silly ass!" and ending it with "If ya want some, then jump the fuck in it!"

But two things were highlights for me at this show. 1) Fonzworth Bentley. People are sleeping on this young man. I have always thought there was a reason for him being named the gentleman's gentleman. But now I have seen it in person! He is hands down the most tailored, attractive, dapper, well groomed man I have ever seen in my life. And he was dancing HARD, like back in the 90's type of hard. lol. I enjoyed every second. Especially when he proceeded to do a quick change on stage and tied a bow tie in 23 seconds flat. Click the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JA24T7G0Pio Start at 1:42, end at 2:05. Impressive. 2)Kanye's girl Amber Rose is a damn good accessory! Dat bish is FINE! I'm not a lesbian, but if I were...

Sunday: I actually got up for church! Wow. I guess my subconscious reminded me that I was the Sunday school teacher for the 6 and under class. We got deep into the book of Corinthians and I needed the lesson just as much as the youth did. Then it was brunch at the parents' house. Then an extra long nap. Then dinner at the parents' house. Um, earlier that day my mother said she wasn't cooking dinner and we were on our own, so I made plans to meet up with friends for happy hour at McCormick & Schmick's before heading to our usual Sunday night spot. But when I woke up from my nap I was greeted with salad, spinach dip, meatballs in two different sauces, pizza, sandwiches and hot wings. So much for not cooking, huh mom? After stopping at my place to change, I met up with the peeps and we were off to Fez. Crazy crowded. Guest dee jays. Super fun. And lots o' liquor! DJ Jayceeoh from Brooklyn and DJ Kayper from the UK killed it.

South by Southwest 2009 is one for the history books. The days I took off work and the miles and miles of walking were worth every step. I had so much fun with JJ, Big Money Ced, Ian, David, Tasha (aka Gangsta Boo Barbie), Avi, Arika, Becca, and of course my sister Mallory. A special thanks to Tiny and Rich for the special treatment at Fader. And also thanks to new friends TJ, "Red" and "C-Mo". I wonder how next year will top this. I'm plotting and scheming to get an artist wristband. Maybe if I put an instrumental behind some of my poetry, they will consider that part of the avant music genre? Sounds like a plan to me. See y'all next year. Hopefully behind the scenes.

My goings on and random thoughts

2009-03-05T00:33:00.010-06:00

I'm a Cowboys fan. My peeps know that. Whether they're on top or in a slump, I'm still a Cowboys fan. So when they decided to cut T.O.'s arrogant ass I was overjoyed! Nothing can hurt a team worse than corruption from the inside. Dude was throwing hissy fits because Romo was passing the ball to Whitten? Uh, homeboy, that would be because Whitten actually catches the ball! Butterfingers can cry all he wants about getting the boot, but it ain't gonna get him anywhere. He's a walking red flag when it comes to another team wanting to pick him up! Good luck with that one. You're done, son! Time to retire.

The Rainbow Coalition has grown! Welcome Tasha, Becca, Angela, Ro and Mallory. Had to say bye-bye to some of the originals...Jasmine (good riddance! probably somewhere scamming somebody into or out of something), Leah (preggers and always working), and Christina (M.I.A.). Why 'rainbow coalition'? Because we're all different ethnicities in different flavors. Wanna taste? ;)

Most folks know I work at night, and for four weeks at a time I work on the weekends. So I haven't been frequenting Fez near as often as I used to. But I've realized that's a good thing. It's nice being a regular, but I now realize that every Sunday was a bit much. 1 or 2 Sundays a month...just enough. Austin ain't that big and seeing the same people in the same places is rather annoying. So when I went this past Sunday for the first time in quite a while, it seemed like there was a whole slew of folks I had never seen before. Nice.

Some of my fave other hot spots: The Studio (Dallas Swing dancing on Thursdays), karaoke joints like Illusions and Common Interest, late night happy hours (at McCormick & Schmick's, The Daily Grill and Kona Grill), Buffalo Billiards, 219 West (try the jalapeno crab dip) and Six Lounge's happy hour. Did you know food from Spaghetti Warehouse next door is 1/2 price when you order via your Six Lounge cocktail waitress? I'll take calamari, please.

Can't wait for SXSW! http://sxsw.com/music/shows/schedule/ I'll be checkin out Rye Rye, B.O.B., Solange, Amanda Diva, Asher Roth, Lady Sovereign, Kid Sister, Blacklisted Individuals, Beverly Bond and Blaqstarr, to name a few. Also trying to hit up the Fader Fort shows. The countdown has begun. Not only for the music fest, but for my vacation as well! Much needed. 10 days of not doing a damn thing that has anything to do with my job. And just in time too, because I'm moving the last week of March. Yay! I had to go back to the calm community of Pflugerville. Northeast Austin...not for me. All day, every day...sirens. Hate it.

Also looking forward to Texas Relays. I may be one of the few people who actually hit up the weekend festivities at the stadium and not just the ridiculously crowded 6th street. Catch me at the races. http://www.texassports.com/sports/tex-relays/tex-tex-relays-body.html

Going on a cruise sometime this summer. So excited. I just really hope the boat doesn't have a massive amount of unoccupied children afloat. Love kids, just not on my vacation.

If anyone knows of a way to order H&M clothing, let me know please! According to their website, the U.S. is not one of the places they deliver. Which is frustrating because according to BET, one of the ensembles showcased at Rip the Runway was from their upcoming collection. Why, if I can't even purchase it?!

And can I get a dj to play Punch Drunk Love, just once? I mean...it's just a simple request. And can I get a dj to NOT mix in the Swagger Like Us remix with Paper Planes, please. I would love to just hear the original from beginning to end. I can't remember the last time I heard verse 3 of that song in the club. We get to 'no one on the corner has swagga like us' and that's all she wrote for M.I.A. And can I hear at least one verse of Groove Theory's 'Tell Me'? And am I the only one who likes Janelle Monae or Kelis? I never hear them either. Maybe at the beginning of the night's set or something? Please? Or maybe some of The Bird and The Bee? I'm just sayin.

Oh, and if anyone happens to be watchin a flick and think 'is that Melanie?!' it's not me! Ok...it's most likely not me. j/k. ;) A friend of mine called me and said he had to pause the tape and do some serious comparison to figure out that a very big-assed porn star was not me. He had to call me to double check that I hadn't enlisted in the industry. Wasn't me...almost certain on that one.

More randomness to come later.

For the sake of this story...we'll call her "Gretchen."

2009-01-18T12:41:00.022-06:00

Disclaimer: This story is in no way to boast, brag or condone violent activity.

This past Friday night, the girls (Mallory, Arika & Tasha) and I headed out to celebrate Tasha's birthday. Before heading to the warehouse district, we each had a few shots of Don Julio. Once we were downtown, we headed to Hi-Lo, had a shot. Went to Red Fez, had a shot, bottle of champagne, and shared a hookah. Went to Prague, got bored. Went to Barcelona, had a shot, got bored, left. Went to a hot dog stand, where Mallory made it very clear that she would much rather have a slice of pizza. Because there were no pizza joints nearby, we decided we would hit up The Onion since it was on the way back to the car. So we finished the night at Hi-Lo. The lights came on and we were on a mission to get Mallory's much awaited for pizza.

So we approach the counter. And just as we do, "Gretchen" slid her narrow ass in front of us. Just as Mallory is about to cuss her smoove de fukk out, Gretchen turns to us and says, "Isn't this the best pizza ever?" Mallory then says, "I would have known by now..." Then I say, "Let it go." Then Gretchen says some retarded shit and everyone turns to her during the awkward silence that follows a comment like the one she made, and gives her that 'what kinda shit was that' look. So I turn around and order two of the best slices of pizza a drunken person can enjoy. Gretchen is still talkin shit, but I've already tuned her out. But we didn't all ignore her. I hear Tasha say something to ol' girl. Then I see Mallory start to take off her shoes. Then Gretchen says "GHETTO ASS BITCHES."

Then, without warning, I turned around and promptly proceeded to choke the bitch 'til she turned blue. I hear her feet were possibly dangling above the ground, but I wasn't letting go. It was her mouth that pissed me off and I was going to make sure I didn't have to hear her voice anymore. Then she grabbed my hair, as a weak ass bitch would. Then Mallory comes around on the left side of me, grabs Gretchen by the head and popped her one good time square in the noggin. Then all 4 feet 11 inches of Tasha leaped into the mix and and attacked whoever was in the way. All the while, Gretchen's friends (mostly typical smedium tshirt wearing white boys) were trying to pry my fingers off homegirl's neck. I held on a little while longer, but finally let go when I realized my purse was unattended at the pizza stand. Damn! So I grab Mallory, we pay for the pizza and I'm thinking the fiasco is done. I was wrong.

To my surprise, the peacemaker of us all was right in the middle of another scuffle. There Arika was, windmilling her way to a victory in one of the best fights I've witnessed in a while. She slid one of Gretchen's friends all up and down 5th street! They were all in the street, the alley, up against parked cars...it was mayhem! It took some big o' random guy to pull her away. So now I'm trying to gather everyone together and get across the street. But Tasha decided to fire it up again and bucked up to just about everybody. Finally, I get everyone across the street, after grabbing our pizza...plus an extra slice because the pizza employee 'liked how we handled it.'

We got across the street just in time for valet to pull up with the car, and we can make a clean getaway. The police have already driven past once, and I wasn't trying to wait for them to make the block. Just as we're getting in the car, Tasha had a change of thought and weaves her pettite ass through oncoming traffic and makes it across the street to retrieve lost jewelry. Just as I make it across to grab her, one of Gretchens homeboys is pleading for us to just leave. We did, but not before I told Gretchen I bet she'd never call anyone out their name again and I hope she learned her lesson with the beat down of her life. Mallory co-signed with, "Yeah, bitch!" Actually, everything Mallory said was either preceeded or succeeded with 'bitch' 'ho' or muhhfukka.' Sometimes it was 'muhfukkin bitch ass ho.' Anyway, that was that.

So I say this...I think I was so pissed off because this girl just assumed that because we were the minority then we shouldn't have been there. Then she spewed out the most prejudice comment she could think of at the time to insult us. Well, we aren't at all ghetto, but try our patience and we will serve a mollywop when necessary.

Head over heels...

2008-12-28T00:22:00.004-06:00

The training at my new job seems like it will never end, and it included working 10 hour shifts on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day beginning at 6am. So knowing that I had the next three days off, it was only right of me to get some friends together and head out for the night. We decided on Vicci, which has a nice set up. The dj booth hovers over the dance floor with an attached VIP booth. Well, normally I know somebody in the booth with whom I can chill with and not have to walk around the club and tire my sweet little (size 10) feet. But not tonight.

There was some guy named DJ Hella Yella (because he is) that I didn't know, so I decided to introduce myself so I can take my usual seat in the booth. Well it was the start of the night, and I had just started sippin' on my double vanilla vodka and diet coke, when I mosied into the upstairs area. Right as I got his attention and reached out my hand to shake his...it happened!

I BUSTED MY ASS. Apparently there is about a two inch step down from the vip area to the dj booth. I missed that step. Whose bright idea was it to put a 2 inch step there? What purpose does it serve?! Anyway, there was nothing to grab onto, the dj didn't reach out a hand to help me, and if he had, I didn't notice because one hand was flailing to find something to hold on to and the other was not about to drop that drink. I found myself on the floor, ass up, frazzled and beet red. I was so embarrased. And the first thing out of his mouth was "No one saw that."

No one saw that?! Are you effin kidding me? Everyone on the 2nd floor saw that! And it didn't help that Jason was about 10 feet away, doubled over and pointing while laughing hysterically. My sister and Tasha also did an instant 180 and sat at another table b/c God forbid they be seen with the chick who pulled a Beyonce and went tumblin'. Yes, the fall was THAT BAD!

So the night goes on, and the drinks kept coming. The next three hours I hardly left the dance floor, still in my 4 inch heels, feeling no pain at all...thanks to the alcohol. But oh lawd...the next morning was a different story! I sat at the edge of my bed and tried to stand up but was greeted with excrutiating pain. My damn ankle was swollen (and still is) and I couldn't even stand up before the tears started flowing. Thankfully I still had some Darvocet left over from a recent procedure. I took a couple of those and it reduced the pain enough to hobble my way through my apartment, get dressed and drive myself to the ER. That adventure took an hour and a half!

When all was said and done, it turns out I sprained my ankle, which the doctor said can hurt worse than a break. He put me in a splint, wrote another prescription for Darvocet :) and gave me a set of crutches which I have to use for a week! Now I'm at home, high on prescription drugs, moping about not being able to hit up the social scene for a few days. It's been only two days so far and crutches freakin' suck! I forsee myself ditchin' them bitches by the end of tomorrow.

Blow job gone wrong

2008-12-04T22:07:00.003-06:00

I laughed at this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZItsbLzc73s

LOL.

Hilarious 911 Calls!

2008-12-04T21:07:00.006-06:00

Who knew?

Like the lady who wanted the police to come to Burger King because they wouldn't make her western barbecue burger properly. Listen here: http://www.snopes.com/crime/audio/burger.wma

Or the guy who called about the deer and the dog who was trapped in a phone booth (this was actually a prank done by another employee). Listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJfr35gXEoc

These are the calls which you laugh about later take the stress away from serious calls that you hear about in the media. If you're curious, more can be found on youtube.

Peace out.

Long overdue

2008-12-04T19:57:00.004-06:00

So it's been a minute since I've blogged. Life's been busy. But have no fear...the update is here.

Turning 26 was GREAT! The weekend started in Houston, where the initial plan was to go ice skating, have lunch and shop the day away. Well, that didn't really happen. There was no ice skating and shopping the day away turned into about an hour and a half of speed shopping running all over the Galleria to find earrings, bags and shoes to wear that night. Dinner at The Aquarium was delicious. Might I recommend the crab & shrimp wontons. After a delicious meal with a few close friends, we headed off to the club.

Of course nothing goes right, right? We get to the door, and a couple people had already arrived. Well, since their names weren't high enough on my guest list, the chick at the door wouldn't let them in free...even though they were the first ones there. Luckily, I was able to sweet talk the peeps at the door and get everyone in free of charge. We get inside and there is nothing set up for the party. So I do some searching and find Lauren who is one of the vip/table hostesses. She says that even though there was a list at the door for that night, they had my party scheduled for the next weekend. So there was no cake, no special order bottle of rum that I requested and no balloons. Arrrgghh!

But Lauren came to the rescue and found a comparable bottle of rum, allowed me to choose any two tables in the club and gave me 20% off due to the hassle. Cool. As long as the problem was solved and we could start drinking. Once the liquor started flowing and the dj got off his Beyonce kick, we were having an excellent time. Seriously, for a second I thought that Beyonce had slipped him a few bills to play all of her latest and greatest hits. The next few hours were full of drinks, more drinks, roaming in and out of the dj booth bothering Agg, acquainting ourselves with some guys who were generous with their bottles (like we needed any more alcohol), Sexy Alligators, Moet, meeting the extra tall and quite friendly Slim Thug, and ending the night in a super crowded VIP with a bunch of drunks. SO MUCH FUN! Thanks to Natalia, Whitney, Shannon, Trenae and Andre. And special thanks to Arika, Becca and Tasha who drove from Austin at the last minute to take part in the festivities.

Now on to the next night. At Big Star Bingo, you play for a penny on your birthday. That's 36 bingo cards and a handheld electronic computer bingo system with 144 bingo cards...ALL FOR ONE CENT! I know, I'm such a nerd. And I didn't win a damn thing. But at least I only lost a penny this time.

Then I met some folks at The 18th Over Austin. The lights flickered and our server's fly was down for a little while, but the food and wine were good. And since it was at a hotel, nobody could tell the guy in the flannel robe to put some clothes on, but we had a good time despite him roaming around half naked. Then we headed off to Red Fez for the usual Sunday night scene. Let me just say that I have a great sister and great set of friends who helped me celebrate!

We walked in an there was a golden and frosted white display of things that I love. Dark chocolate candies, strawberry cupcakes with white icing & sprinkles and the balloons I didn't get the night before! As the night progressed, more and more people came to wish me a happy birthday. I felt quite special, like anyone should on their birthday. The drinks were flowing and the music was on point, from what I can remember. After drinks that had mystery ingredients, a couple mimosas, The Melanie (ask your favorite bartender Rachel about that one), and SEVERAL shots of Patron (thank you Sid)...I was in NO shape to get behind the wheel. I was driven home, and I woke up the next morning soooo confused and hungover, still in my clothes...alone. But from what I could remember, and the pics Arika posted on myspace, I had an EXCELLENT time.

Thanks peeps!

The celebration continues...for my Austin friends.

2008-09-29T11:20:00.013-05:00

If you miss the events in Houston, join me for the continuation on Sunday, October 26th. Dinner will begin at 8 p.m. at 18th over Austin and then we'll head to the normal Sunday hot spot, Red Fez.

Email me for details. melaniemichaun@yahoo.com

Houston peeps...you're invited!

2008-09-29T10:36:00.011-05:00

Golden Birthday: A person's Golden or Grand Birthday, more commonly referred to as the "Star Birthday" occurs when they turn the age of their birth day.

And this year, I'll be 26 on the 26th! The celebration begins in Houston on the 25th, until the morning of the 26th, and it will continue in Austin the evening of the 26th until the early morning of the 27th.

Email me if you have any questions about the party weekend. melaniemichaun@yahoo.com.

Helpful Links:

The Daily Grill: http://www.dailygrill.com/

The Galleria: http://www.simon.com/mall/default.aspx?ID=805

The Aquarium: http://www.aquariumrestaurants.com/downtownaquariumhouston/flash_content/index.html

Westin: http://www.starwoodhotels.com/westin/property/overview/index.html?propertyID=1053

Her name is Melanie...She said she digs my melody...

2008-09-19T12:34:00.002-05:00

I have a weakness for music. I mean, when my song comes on in the club, I almost become a different person, forgetting I'm surrounded by strangers who may not like that I'm about to take up way too much space on the dancefloor bustin' a move. It doesn't happen a lot, but when it does, watch out. And as much as I like hip-hop, I can't escape my love for R&B. You always hear 'where my hip-hop heads at?' or 'where are my dance-hall heads?' What about the R&B heads? I don't think I've even heard the term come out of a DJ's mouth. Why is that?

Maybe it's not always club appropriate to play the latest bedroom banger, but sometimes I just want it slowed down a bit. Tone the bass line down a notch. This is where I confess my fantasy. I've caught myself closing my eyes and day-dreaming that I'm in love with a DJ. Not for the VIP status, but because I want him to set up his turntables in my bedroom. I want him to play all the panty-dropping hits and have me doing things that challenge my sexual ability.

I want Dave Hollister, R. Kelly, Ron Isley, Charlie Wilson, John Legend, well...you get the point...I want their voices coming through my speakers, hypnotizing me to follow their lyrics and give my DJ the loving he deserves. I want him to put on his headphones, and nothing else, as I get on the mic and hype him up for a change. And after it's warmed up, he can plug it in wherever he likes and have me dancing to his rhythm for the rest of the night.

So maybe it's not a deserted island theme or some freaky dominatrix type stuff, but it's my fantasy none-the-less.

Austin hotel goons...

2008-09-10T11:30:00.001-05:00

Hurricane Ike is supposed to blow through Texas this weekend, making it as far inland as Austin and the surrounding area. It's threatening tornadoes and by the time it gets here, Ike will be a tropical storm, but still with 80 mile an hour winds. People in Austin freak out from light showers, so you can imagine what this weekend will be like.

Many coastal cities are being evacuated, and people are starting to settle in hotels around here. Well, out of curiosity I decided to check online and see what a room would cost this weekend. One and two star is never an option, but it wouldn't matter anyway. Those coastal evacuees have already booked every 1 and 2 star room in Austin. So moving along to 3 star which normally runs anywhere from $69-$119. Not this weekend. Those 3 star thugs have raised the price to a shocking minimum $299. Bullies!

The corporate offices know that shelter is necessary for people escaping the storm, so they charge out the ass for a room with very few amenities to support the outrageous cost. $299?! And since a room at the downtown 4 stars like, Hilton or Hyatt or Radisson normally cost about $189 per night, it only made sense for them to raise their rate as well. God forbid they be outpriced by the less prestigious. If you even want to think of laying your head on a pillow at one of these places, be prepared to shell out nearly double the normal rate or more. That's right...they are forcing people who may lose their home to pay anywhere from $349 to $700 for a room.

I would be outraged if I had to swipe my card for such an amount in a state of emergency like this. Homes, vehicles, jobs, family members, pets...all will be lost this weekend, and the only thing hotels can think about is the all-mighty dollar. They should be ashamed of themselves.

What a joke...

2008-08-12T20:26:00.001-05:00

So men always say that a woman can get sex whenever she wants. I think that's a bunch of crap! Sure, a woman could probably grab some below average dude who is most likely in dire need of getting his thang wet, but what about getting some from a man you're actually interested in?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought assertive women were considered sexy? It's 2008, and chivalry is wonderful and all, but sometimes I want to be appreciated for being the aggressive one for a change. But with failed attempts at making the first move...googly-eyes, licking lips, making suggestive gestures, out right telling a man what I want, I decided to try something different. I got into bed with a man, in my pajamas, and expected him to make te first move, or rub my booty, or suggest a steamy night of romance...or something...anything. But apparently, taking it easy and being subtle doesn't work either. Nothing came of any of my advances.

And I refuse to lower my standards just for a few minutes of satisfaction. I'd much rather wait for what I want instead of moving on to that average dude in my rolodex. And I will. Damn. But that just goes to show that men can be picky too, and we women don't always get the lovin' we want.

Buffets

2008-08-11T16:22:00.002-05:00

Every now and then, I get an itch for spinach pizza. Well, Cici's Pizza is a few blocks from my house and they just so happen to have spinach pizza. Yum. So today, I rolled out of bed at the early hour of 12:30 pm and headed to get my fix.

As I entered Cici's, it was like a daycare. Seriously, of the 72 people in the restaurant, maybe 10 were adults. Not that there's anyhting wrong with that, but damn! And hasn't school started? There were so many kids running around it was driving me crazy.

And can someone please issue a PSA informing everyone that at a buffet you do not have to pile your plate so high that you have to do a balancing act to get to your seat. I mean, 17 slices on one plate? It's a buffet! You can go back numerous times to refill your pizza loving desires. That's like eating over two pizzas in one sitting! Wow.

But will any of the above stop me from going back? No, I'm hooked on the spinach, so I'll just have to deal with the smorgasbord and all of it's children.

Sht, fck, damn, hell!

2008-08-11T01:31:00.001-05:00

I went to get my digital camera out of my bag to post the pics from this weekend. Now I'm panicking. That would be because I can't find my camera. :( For the first time, I actually took a lot of pics on vacation, and I still have nothing to show for it. This sucks. All the memories from this past weekend are lost. And not only that, my memory card with a ridiculous amount of space is now gone too. Why me? Maybe by some miracle, the Sheraton or Delta will call back with news that my camera miraculously appears. I'm so sick right now...

ATX to ATL and back...

2008-08-10T22:20:00.002-05:00

Thursday morning I bypassed my early alarm and slept until 7:30...still needing to pack before I got on the road to head to the airport. But it was all good. I made it in plenty of time and got to play the game of hurry up...and wait. But soon enough, I was on my way to the other 'A.' Natalia, flying in from Houston, met me at the gate and we headed to pick up the rental car. WARNING: Don't rent a vehicle from Dollar unless you have a lot of patience.

I booked my trip with Expedia, which was such a deal. They made it clear that I would have to pay taxes for the rental car upon arrival, but they failed to tell me that I would have to front $350 as a deposit. 350?! I had never heard such a thing. I didn't trip though, my Visa and I complied and swiped away. So we hopped on the shuttle and headed to the actual Dollar rental location...weird. It was like we had to check-in in order to check-in. And when we got there, of course we were waiting, unacknowledged, for about 40 minutes, until some miracle employee appeared and told us the system was down and she would have to manually enter our rental. Cool. Soon enough, we were off in our Dodge Avenger and headed to the Sheraton Downtown.

The hotel was nice. Just nice. Not great, not bad, just nice. The parking situation was confusing at first. It didn't click that we drove underground to get there and, there were two entrances...one you came in at on the south side of the hotel, and one you exited from on the east side of the hotel. I normally have a pretty good since of direction, but that had me all discombobulated the first night. But the highlight of the hotel was probably the pillows and bedding. I was knocked the hell out each night, merely seconds after my head hit the pillow.

The rest of the weekend...

Thursday night: GREAT! We started with Absolut 100 and then headed to dinner at Brio Tuscan Grille with a delicious meal and an even better dessert. Then we headed off to Leopard Lounge which was POPPIN! A little underventilated, but fun none-the-less. Big ups to the dj who gave everybody from Texas a shout out. Even those of us from Humble and Pflugerville.

Friday: Lunch at Gladys and Ron's Chicken and Waffles was good. Of course we got the chicken and waffles and the sweet tea/lemonade mix. Delicious. Six Flags Over Georgia is HUGE! And Natalia and I covered every inch in a record-breaking 4.5 hours. I was least impressed with the Ninja. It was so painful. My head was rattling between the shoulder harness something terrible. That ride needs to be shut down...immediately. The Batman ride was impressive, as was the Mind Bender and Scream Machine, but the Goliath took the cake! Our stomaches are still atop the 20 story drop!

Friday night: Sushi at Pacific Rim Restaurant was excellent. Then the plan was to head to the Compound. Didn't happen. We drove around for about an hour, trying to follow the gps which led us to what looked like a deserted warehouse district. And from what I hear, we were sooooo close. But we were rescued by a friend who came through and took us to an underground spot...literally underground. It was so energizing! I loved every second. Even when the sweat was running down my face and back and chest. Natalia and I did get a little frightened when someone suddenly began banging on the walls behind us. But apparently, that's what you do to let the dj know you're feeling the song. I got with it and soon found myself banging like a crazy person too. Loved it! That's how I know I had a good time. And after the lights were on and the club closed, people were still super crunk and the party continued long after we were gone. This was my highlight. It was amazing.

Saturday: Very mellow. We had a very satisfying lunch at The Sundial Bar & View at the Westin on Peachtree. As we entered the elevator to head to the 72nd floor, Natalia uses that time to tell me she has a serious fear of heights. What?! I couldn't peel her off the wall of the elevator if I tried. And I have never seen someone exit an elevator so quickly in my life. LOL. But after a few minutes the height became an afterthought and we were revolving and viewing the impressive Atlanta area. I could see this being a very romantic spot for an evening date. Soon we were off to Lenox Square and then dinner at Fandangle's at our hotel.

Saturday night: Kind of disappointing. We were unsure of where to go, and everywhere we went was not what we expected. Our tour guide didn't come through so we were on our own. We started at Luckie where there was a minimal crowd, the we headed to Mark, which turned out to be gay pride night, so we ended up at Kenny's Alley at the Underground. It was ok. The bar we went to was playing a lot of H-town music, so we felt at home, but the atmosphere was not what we expected. We left and crashed at the hotel.

When Sunday morning rolled around, we woke up after the 2nd wake up call, and were soon off to return the rental car. We had to stop in some podunk town to refill the tank. $35 didn't give us the 3/4 of a tank we needed, but we were not returning a third time to top it off. Dollar was just gonna have to deal with it. So we arrived at Dollar at 11:00, thinking check out was going to be easy. Nope. We were held up for about 35 minutes as we were given the wrong receipt, and charged for a vehicle that was never entered under my name. Apparently, when the system went down the previous Thursday, our info had never been attached to the vehicle we left with. So if we had been pulled over for any reason, or had mechanical problems, or had gotten into an accident, the car would have been reported as stolen. That's unsettling. They didn't hesitate to charge the $350, but their system didn't even know we had the car for the past 4 days. Like I said, you must have patience.

It was now 11:45 and we had to rush to get to the airport so I could catch my flight. I had already checked in on Saturday, so I thought I could just check my bag in. Again, I was shut down. Since I was held up at Dollar, I missed my flight and was forced to pay $50 to get on the next flight an hour and a half later. But there's always a silver lining. I was able to sit and have a final lunch with Natalia, who I now know will always be one of my dearest friends. We reflected over the weekend as we stuffed our faces with On The Border. The highlights, the low points and everything inbetween. The weather was great, the scenery was beautiful, the atmosphere was electric, the food...absolutely delicious. The weekend was memorable and much needed. Atlanta...we'll be back!

*Pics are coming soon. Be on the look out.

Gotta get some!

2008-07-30T12:07:00.001-05:00

Excedrine should really try and market this product. Queen Latifah is a great spokesperson!

I think it's genius!

It's like a drug...

2008-07-28T10:36:00.002-05:00

My grandmother was in town recently for about 3 weeks, visiting from Arkansas. She suggested we hit up the local bingo hall, so I took her to Big Star Bingo in Austin. They pay out $5,000 each night. So I loaded up granny in the mellow yellow and hauled her off to bingo.

We walked in and were greeted with a puff of smoke. Apparently, we walked into the smoking room, but I noticed that everyone in there seemed to be coughing and wheezing, and one old lady even had an oxygen tank attached to her wheelchair. What?! On to non-smoking we went.

I didn't know what an event bingo was! It can be quite complicated for a first-timer. You can purchase multiple sheets with multiple cards, bingo daubers, 'Stingers,' 'Derby Downs,' 'Betty-Boops,' and so on. The last few I mentioned are like in-between games where you can win up to $599. (Why not an even $600?...I don't know.) Anyway, so I purchased my bingo daubers to apply the perfect dot on my cards when numbers are called and a modest sheet of 12 cards. I sat down, hands itching and everything, expecting to call bingo any second, right? Wrong!

One straight line no longer qualifies as a bingo. There were more complex games like, Crazy Kite, Snowflake, Block of Six w/out using the free space, or Triple Bingo w/ Four Corners Good. What the hell?! There are five games per set, and I don't know how many times I was ONE NUMBER AWAY from winning! That sh*t really irritated me. I swore never to go to bingo again. I wasn't going to dare give away my hard earned $7 ever again...until that Thursday.

Somehow I found myself in the same scenario...one number away, leaving saying, 'Next time I'm gonna win." That's how they get you...butter you up, and get you all excited by getting one number away. Now I'm hooked. Once a week isn't that bad, right? But that's how it starts, I'm sure. Once a week, then twice a week, and soon I'll be in there every night like a bingo veteran. Don't let me win big...y'all won't be able to keep me out the bingo hall.

This is the REMIX!

2008-07-16T16:01:00.001-05:00

Check out this remix of A Milli by Asher Roth. It's FIYA!

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=258195204

If you don't know who he is...google him. He's a must-know.

An oldie but goodie...one of my best!

2008-06-24T10:03:00.002-05:00

I Have DSL

I love the way your manhood swells
When entrapped by my DSL.

My high-speed internet service gives us the quickest connection.
We don't ever have to worry about pop-up blockers or virus infections.
And unlike AOL & Road Runner, my service is free.
I yearn to grip your joystick and gain all the data I can fit inside of me.

But of course, I will avoid any megabyte that would cause you to crash,
And send an unwanted virus all through your wireless stash.
Scanning your body; collecting research info.
Halfway through our experience, you're calling me the "DSL Nympho."

I can't help it. I love the way you taste.
It's so good to me; I feel the need to say grace
And thank God for your physical technology.
He gave you ample equipment to fulfill my need.

You're built well with a hard drive that contains dynamic storage.
When you release data, I'm compelled to go for it.
Using my mouth to push all the buttons on your keyboard
Until you go into overdrive and explode.

Put your CD-RAM-down-my-throat.
Just the way my DSL like it; you know I won't choke.
We've been doing this behind closed Windows 2002 until now.
Fill my storage bank. You know how.

Be my network. I'm your server.
My DSL yearns for our connection, my brotha.
My 'L's' love to 'S' on your 'D.'
"Can I log on every day?" is my plea.

-Melrose

Ughh and ewww...

2008-06-20T09:57:00.001-05:00

Ughh:

So I went grocery shopping at my neighborhood HEB and felt like trying something new. Instead of purchasing fresh fruit from the produce section, I went ahead and grabbed a jar of "new" Dole peaches. They were claiming it these peaches would be the most fresh, delicious, juicy peaches I had ever tasted. And I had a coupon, so of course I cashed in and got my $.75 off.

The next day, I decided to take my jar of peaches to work to snack on. I put them in the refrigerator in the break room, and went about my day. I got so busy that I never got around to tasting these amazing peaches. Well, the next day at work when I wanted a little snack, I reached into the refrigerator to open my jar of peaches. Someone beat me to it!

What the f*ck! Who in the hell ate my peaches?! The jar had been opened, the safety seal broken and peaches were missing. I was pissed...and disgusted. Why would you eat someone else's food, especially food that wasn't already open? And why did it have to be food I was soooo looking forward to savoring? These peaches were supposed to be the most delicious ever. Damn!

So I set the peaches on the table because that's where we put community food when we want to share it. Not that I wanted to, but I for damn sure wasn't eating any now. The peaches stayed there, untouched, for about 4 days. Well, on the fifth day, they miraculously ended up back in the refrigerator. But I noticed, a few more were missing. So now I made my coworkers aware that I knew someone stole my damn peaches. According to Dole, these peaches were imported from Greece. Someone was eating my Grecian peaches! But did that stop them? No. As the days went by, more and more of my juicy peaches came up missing, still no culprit.

But that's not the worst thing. They put the dagger in my heart when they left the empty jar in the refrigerator with only the juice and some floating peach residue left. That's ok. Next time, I'm putting Visine in the jar and letting the fruit marinate in it. Whoever goes home with a mysterious, intense case of the bubblies is gonna get a foot up their ass for eating my shit!

Ewww:

Every Tuesday, we have a meeting at the jail for all the counseling and education staff. Somebody complained that the meetings were too long and there was nothing to eat, so people were falling asleep. Our supervisor took the hint and brought a platter with cream cheese covered in chipotle raspberry sauce and crackers. When he first placed it on the table, I grabbed a cracker and dug into the cheese. I had just come from the pink room with freshly washed hands, so I knew I wasn't contaminting anything or anyone. And the mixture was ok, but I wasn't all that impressed. So that one taste was all I had.

And thank God it was! Soon after, everyone started getting comfortable and began attacking the plates of food. The lady across from me (who always blows up the bathroom) stuck her chubby hands into the cracker bag and was all up in the cheese. Well, our supervisor didn't think to have plates and utensils so each of us could put a dollop on our plates and eat from there. Oh I wish he had thought of that...I really, really wish he had thought of that.

I had to sit across from this monster as she picked up these tiny crackers and scooped cheese, each time getting the raspberry sauce all over her hands. Then after stuffing the food in her mouth, licking her fingers and coughing into her hands, she stuck them right back into the cracker bag and started the cycle over again. Scoop, stuff, lick, cough. She went through half a bag of these mini crackers by herself! It took everything in me to keep from stopping the meeting and calling her nasty ass out.

And I seemed to be the only one that noticed because everyone else was still eating after her! I now know to never eat anything at the potlucks ever again! Who knows how these people prepare food at home. If it ain't store bought and in it's sealed original packaging, I ain't eatin' it! I'm too selective of what goes in my mouth for that. Ewww.

Mark my words…

2008-05-29T15:33:00.001-05:00

Lakers end it tonight!

Tuesday night I drug Khamill out of her house to join me for sake and sushi at Kona Grill. We got there around 10, just about midway through the 3rd quarter of the Lakers/Spurs game. The game was only being shown on the screens at the bar, so of course I wanted to sit where I could see the game. Well, there were a few seats available, but no two were next to each other. So I decided to start asking people to rearrange themselves so we could get two stools together. Well, the first guy claimed he was waiting for someone and he couldn’t give up the extra seat. So the next person was a Black lady sitting by herself with a seat on either side of her. So I politely asked if she would mind moving to the left or right so that Khamill and I could sit next to each other. She looked at me as she stuffed half a fillet of salmon in her mouth, gathered her things, and slowly began shifting to the next seat. I thanked her, smile and all, but she didn’t say shit. Why was she so mad? I asked nicely. And Khamill kept apologizing. For what?! Ugh. If it were me and I wasn’t expecting company, I would have been glad to move over one whole freakin seat.

As we got comfortable, I looked at the lady and began wondering some things. I immediately thought…homeless. I don’t know if it was the way her candy cane striped shirt didn’t match with her grey blue sweat shorts, or if it was the bed-head hair do that gave her away. But then again, if she were homeless how could she afford that sushi platter? You know, that’s precisely why I don’t give people on street corners money any more. Forget them going to the nearest Exxon for beer, they are marching right into sushi bars now! Anyway, she left shortly afterwards, without saying bye. Heifer.

Back to the original subject matter; the game. I was so nervous during the last 58 seconds of that game. Why the hell didn’t they pass Odom the damn ball?! He was WIDE open several times. That ish had me hot! But in the end, the Lakers pulled through, upsetting everyone at Kona Grill, except for me and some guy sitting next to me who kept talking about the Celtics. But I had to get outta there quick. Some drunk old man was giving me the evil eye and said that because I live in Texas I should be a Spurs fan…WRONG! Just wait until tonight. The Lakers will pull through and eliminate the Spurs in game 5…mark my words!

Memorial Day Weekend, Sunday

2008-05-27T13:09:00.001-05:00

I didn’t get up until about 2:00 when Mike Winn called and reminded me of my 3:30 appointment at 24 Hour Fitness. I strolled in to 24 hour fitness, prepared to exchange my free 7 day pass for a week long, much needed workout. And up walks Mike Nguyen, my consultant. Well…on the phone he sounded White. But that goes to show, never assume.

Anyway, after a tour of the center and Mike explaining how he gained 40 pounds in 4 months when he was working in the restaurant business, but recently lost 20 pounds in 2 months by going to the gym, I was sold. I left with a monthly membership AND a personal trainer. Damn…he got me.

But right after that, what did I do? I went to my parents’ house to eat Sunday dinner. This time it was fried catfish, homemade hushpuppies, crawfish, pan seared tilapia, corn on the cob, potatoes, dirty rice, fresh brewed sweet tea, broccoli and salad (because we gotta keep it healthy, right?) Now you see why I dropped a few bills on the gym membership.

Later that night Arika, Khamill, Mallory and I hit up Red Fez where we were greeted at the door by a paper sign reading “$10 COVER, EVERYONE, ALL NIGHT.” So I stopped at the ATM and forked up the 10 bucks. But Khamill refused to do so without a fight. She approached Darryll and was like, “$10?! Really? Even for people who have been coming here for like, 5-6 years? This is some bull-shit!” That shit was funny, especially when she realized they weren’t budging on that damn $10.

I walked in and went straight to the DJ booth, where my pal Ian was sitting and handed him a freshly delivered DJ Drama ‘Keep Mixtapes Alive’ t-shirt. See…what had happened was…I lost a bet. Weeks before at Red Fez, Collie Buddz “Come Around” was playing and Ian said that Collie was White. I, being the know-it-all that I am, said that he was light-skinned, not White. So we placed a bet. Ian whipped out his trusty cellular contraption and got on the internet. Sure enough, Collie Buddz is White. Damn. But because I follow through, Ian got his shirt, but not without teasing me about actually ordering it.

The night was fun, for the most part. Let’s just say that Khamill’s friends were there, and every time Khamill disappeared with one of them, she came back with a new Patron margarita with Grand Marnier. She disappeared about 8 times! Then at the end of the night, our favorite bartender Rachel handed her a bottle of Absolut with about a third left in the bottle. Why did Khamill feel the need to take it to the head? She was definitely the highlight of the night. She cussed out some man on the way to the parking garage. That’s probably my fault. I could have sworn he called her a bitch, but maybe not. He swore up and down he didn’t. Maybe he’s just saying that because he saw her stature which towered over him. His chin came to breast level. He quickly apologized.

Anyway…the night ended with Tonya coming to get Khamill from my apartment where she was sprawled out on my living room floor to take her home. I have no clue how she was able to get up and be on time for work the next morning and work a full 9 hour shift. She’s better than me. As you can tell from the two previous days, I don’t do too well the day after. Until next time…

Memorial Day Weekend, Saturday

2008-05-27T12:38:00.001-05:00

For those who don’t know, I have a new second job working at CarMax…which is sooooo easy. Who doesn’t like easy money? And I think that no matter how much money I continue to make at my full time job, I will probably always have a part time job, because instead of being a lazy ass and sitting at home from 6-9 in the evenings, I’d rather be pulling in extra cash to support my bad habits. :)

So I’m sitting at the front desk and a child walks by wearing a teddy bear back pack with a rope attached to it. On the other end was his mother controlling his every move. Why do white people put their kids on leashes? If they wanted a pet, why didn’t they get a dog? From my observations, there haven’t been any people of color who attached their children to leashes…I’m just saying.

So on Saturdays, we pop popcorn for our customers. A little boy approached the table and said to me, “May I have popcorn? Every time we come here, we get popcorn.” Every time we come here? How often do y’all come in here? Damn. Then some rather chubby Hispanic twins approached the table…four times for popcorn. But I was kinda ok with that. Popcorn is a low-calorie snack, which is exactly what they needed.

And I’m not sure if you’ve been to CarMax before, but when you do, you are greeted at the door by a manager if there are no salespersons available. They’ll ask your name and the reason you came in to CarMax. But be aware of the person at the computer behind them, they are writing a description of you so that when a salesperson does become available, they know who to look for. Saturday, I was the person at the computer. I did some of my best writing that day. My favorite was the one that a manager dubbed “the tour bus.” It goes as such:

Large Hispanic family, fully equipped with 7 children of all ages, sizes and shapes, 4 middle-aged adults and one white haired elderly woman; want to view vehicles…probably vans or very large SUVs.

Later that night, I went out with Khamill to another Pflugerville club where the night ended with some heifers getting pepper sprayed outside the club. We weren’t involved. Then back at Khamill’s apartment, we killed the Ciroc and a bottle of Absolut 100. The night didn’t end until about 6:30 am. I didn’t make it to church the next morning. And as the children’s Sunday school teacher, that probably isn’t a good thing.

Memorial Day Weekend, Friday

2008-05-27T12:37:00.001-05:00

The night started with Khamill and me drinking a homemade concoction of Ciroc vodka with Pomegranate Cherry juice and Orange Juice. When you mix all that together, it comes out looking a little brown, which worried me a bit, but it didn’t stop me from guzzling it like a pro should. We hop in the car after going through about 8 of her different outfits to wear that night. Since we were headed to ‘hood’ Illusions in the ‘big city’ of Pflugerville, Khamill was trying to coordinate her outfit around the pair of shoes she could sprint the best in…just in case somethin’ popped off, ya know.

We get to the club and Ray was at the door…as always. But this time he was mean-muggin’ so I asked “why the stern face?” His big-bald-headed-crazy-ass snapped at me going off about how looking nice at the door is no longer an option because he almost got killed, and I shouldn’t take his job so lightly because he could be stabbed or shot and that shit ain’t funny. So Khamill and I look at each other like…get another job then, wit yo scary ass.

So after being inside for about an hour and a half, I look at the dance floor where there’s a podium with approximate dimensions of 6X6 feet. And on top of that podium were about 9 females and 2 dudes. I remember saying to Khamill that there were too many damn people on that podium. Shortly thereafter, the music stops and the DJ gets on the mic yelling, “DJ LL to the dance floor, DJ LL to the dance floor.” I now know that when those words come through the speakers, that means security please come to the dance floor because bitches and niggas *ahem* females and dudes are pummeling each other. So security rushes to the dance floor, and it takes them about 10 minutes to control the situation. I saw ass, titties, shoes fly, weave get ripped out, drinks being thrown, girls being tossed like ragdolls…ridiculous. The night ended around 4:30 as I stumbled into the house and collapsed only to hear my alarm go off about 4 hours later. Needless to say, I was late to work on Saturday.

My Spurs Rant

2008-05-19T16:04:00.000-05:00

I honestly think that the San Antonio camp is made of flesh-covered robots. Seriously…there could be 1.2 seconds left on the clock, when Horry comes in and scores his infamous clutch 3-pointer to tie the game, or win. But instead of the bench being ecstatic with emotion, they pass around high-fives and thumbs up…WHAT?!

Snore! I mean…yeah, they win with fundamental basketball, but technique isn’t everything. Can they win AND show some personality, a little flair maybe? I haven’t seen it happen yet. And the whole father-son thing that Parker and Duncan have going on is a little creepy. Duncan (and others on the team) is so old! They have done this so many times. Retire already! We can see the boredom on your faces! There’s no real emotion there. If you’re old and seem bored with the game, I say bow out while you’re on top. The best know when to quit while they’re ahead.

The Spurs are an undeniably good team, but I just don’t like the current roster. They’re boring. Maybe if some of the top-named controversial players in the NBA were shifted around and some ended up in San Antonio, then maybe I would be a fan. Mix it up a little. I would love to see Kobe come to the Lone Star State…or maybe Agent Zero…or maybe someone…anyone who looks like they are actually enjoying themselves on the court. Until that happens, I am not going to hop on the Spurs bandwagon just because they win.

My weekend in Houston

2008-04-29T12:35:00.001-05:00

Saturday morning I got up semi-early and headed to Houston to visit my sister and go to the Galleria for the Cadillac Primavera fashion event. We were able to view Carolina Herrera and Miss Sixty fashion shows, get free hors d'oeuvres and champagne. Gotta love it. Then we moseyed over to Ninfa's for dinner. We sat down and our waiter took our drink order. Somone else brought us the drinks and chips & salsa. Then for the next 15 minutes no one acknowledged us. So after drinking half of my margarita, we got up and left. At the door there was a hostess and three servers, including ours who said, "Have a good day, ladies." I was like..."thanks for the free drink." And we went over to Chili's and ate instead.

Well my sister thought that our blue-eyed waiter was flirting with her. She was right. LJ sat down next to us and got her number to invite us to go out with him and his friends that night. He told us that his dad owned a club downtown and we were welcome to come. Well she never took her phone off vibrate and we ended up missing his call. So my underaged sister, her friend DeMarcus and I stayed home, drank and watched The Illusionist. Great movie, by the way!

The next day we sat around like bums until I decided to get dressed and go see my friend Natalia's new house before heading back to Austin. I'm in the mellow yellow heading down 59 North. I see a small piece of black plastic in the road, but I can't avoid it. There are cars surrounding me on all sides, so I slow down and have no choice but to run over it. DAMN! All I hear is ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum and I try to get over to the nearest exit. So of course, the non-courteous Houston drivers are zooming past me at 80 mph. I miss the exit and am forced to pull over to the shoulder. I get out and the rear tire is a goner. Totally flat! So I call roadside assistance. They tell me it's going to be about 20 minutes. So then I call my sister because cars are not slowing down at all and I thought maybe her friend could come and sit with me until someone came to tow me. Well they arrive and it's now been 35 minutes. I call the dispatch back and she says she can't locate me. How many times do I have to say 59 North, just past the Chimney Rock exit before you reach the 610 overpass?! She tells me it's taking longer because it's taking a while to figure out where I was. I said, "Noooo...it's taking YOU a while to figure out where I am! I know where I am."

Well they finally came about an hour and fifteen minutes after my original call. I was towed to a safe location, but when I got there, the tow-guy informed me that there was damage to my front tire as well and it was going to be an additional $150 to tow to a second location. Only the first tow is free. So I call good-old GEICO and they tell me it will be less than an hour before another flat bed came to pick me up for free. So I decided to wait. No sense in spending $150 to travel a mere 9 miles to the nearest tire center. Thankfully the next guy came within 30 minutes. Well during my wait, I called Wal-mart tire center (the only place open on a Sunday apparently) and asked if they would change my tires. I gave them run-down about how I had to get back to Austin asap and this was screwing up my plans. The guy on the phone said as long as I bring it in by 5:30 they would help me. Well I get to Wal mart and the girl at the tire center says, "We're closed." I said, "NO YOU'RE NOT! I'm getting my tires changed today. I called and someone on the phone said I could bring my car in by 5:30. It's 5:30 now and you don't close until 6."

Thankfully the tire center manager, Kenneth (love this guy!), was there and he helped me out. I was in and out of there in less than an hour and they were actually friendly! It did cost me a couple hundred more than I had planned on spending that weekend. But my friends, that why it's important to save and always have a few extra dollars for Houston road hazards. I wasn't going to mention the 10 wreckers that passed me on the side of the highway and the 5 Houston police officers (3 of which were on their cell phones) who also passed me without stopping. Houston emergency roadside assitance ain't worth shit!

I ended up driving back to Austin the next morning, going straight to work (for two hours), going home 'sick' and finishing my online defensive driving class (due that day) as I lounged on my couch reminiscing about my adventure in H-town.

Thursday, April 24th, Part Two

2008-04-29T12:15:00.001-05:00

So I get home on Thursday night after the Maxim party, and there's a notice on my door. I look around to see if there are notices on any one else's door. Nope. So I get inside and open the letter. Well it's basically stating that there is a list of approved items to have on your porch, patio or in a common area and list of unapproved items. Well on the unapproved items list, mops and brooms are highlighted. Then it goes on to state how we should be taking pride in the appearance of our residence, and I have 24 hours to remove the items or I will be fined for the removal if someone else has to do it. I'm pissed!

I get on the phone at 1:15 am and call the apartment notice to leave a nasty-gram on their machine. I told them to call me as soon as they open at 8:30. Morning comes and I get no phone call. I give them until 8:35 to call. Still nothing. So I called and spoke with Jay. I explained to him that most of my apartment is carpeted, and whenever I do need to clean the total of 35 sq. ft. of tile that I have in my bathroom and kitchen, I get a bucket and a sponge and get down on my hands and knees and wash the floor. So I don't own a broom or mop. I don't have a need for it. So this letter is obviously not for me. And I added that I was so pissed in my message because how dare they leave a note on my door and no one else's when my neighbors have had empty beer boxes stacked up in front of their door for four days now. He assured me he would take care of that and to disregard the letter as it must have been a mistake.

Approximately 2 minutes after getting off the phone with him, my phone rings and it's Dumb-Ass-Dominique from the apartment complex. What an airhead! She calls in regards to the message I left. I told her that Jay and I already worked it out. Well she apologized and says that she meant to put 2-0-1-7 on the notice, not 2-0-1-1. TYPICAL! This is the third run-in I've had with this simpleton. One more and I'm calling corporate on this imbecile.

And by the way, the trash is still in front of my neighbor's door.

Thursday, April 24th, Part One

2008-04-29T11:39:00.000-05:00

It started off as a busy day, already. My coworker didn't come to work, and it wasn't until 2pm that my boss came in and said, "Denise isn't coming in today. She's 'sick.' " Now you tell me. So I picked up the slack and brushed it off like no biggie. One day she'll have to do a favor for me, right? So 5:00 rolls around, but as most people know, I moonlight as a Beauty Advisor for Lancome cosmetics. So I left work to go to work. The around 7:00 Arika calls me in a panic.

The day before, she called and asked if I'd like to go to an invite-only Maxim party at the Barr Mansion hosted by Carmen Electra. Ummm...yeah! So this being the night of the party, when she calls, she's in a frenzy about the 800+ people who RSVP'd for this party that starts at 9:00. Well there's no way for us to get there before 11. So the self-proclaimed worry-wart is afraid that if we don't get there early enough, we won't get in. I assure her that if 800 people RSVP, maybe half will actually come, and people love being fashionably late too...so CALM DOWN! So I get off work, go to Arika's house and we get on the road. As we're driving I totally remember that the Barr Mansion is on the darkest, country-est, two-lane road in the middle of nowhere. Not so fun when you're trying to rush to get to a party to beat the crowd. Well we get there and parking is horrendous. But using my excellent peepers I spot a place for us to park her dark bandit and we get in line. And it actually isn't so bad. There were about 5 guys in front of us and three girls. Score! It shouldn't be too long of a wait. Well, the chick in front of us was so impatient she didn't want to wait all of five minutes to get in. So she whips out her cell phone and starts dialing. Arika and I are deep in conversation about reality tv when we are rudely interrupted by the decibles of this chick's conversation with someone named Corey.

"Corey, can you get us in quicker?...We're in line...Yeah...at the front...Well...is Jeff Davis there? You know...Jeff...Davis...No?...Well what about Shawn?...Shawn!...No?...Well, we're in line...Can u come get us?...Yeah, me Nikki and Rebecca...Ok...Bye."

I didn't know it was possible to shamelessly name-drop like that in a line full of people. I know Jeff too. Did I call him to get me in quicker even though I was like the ninth person in line? Talk about impatient. Well, shortly after her conversation, Corey shows up. He looks at the three of them, waves, tells them they look great and walks the f*ck away. Ha! So they had to wait like the rest of us. They get to the list master and he asks for their names. She says hers, then says Nikki Smith, then says Rebecca...what's your last name? After all that...she doesn't know her "friend's" name?! Whack. Anyway after we're inside the party we spotted, 3 china dolls, 6 Maxim sluts, 2 circus escapees (one of which was flamboyantly gay and crawling on the floor inbetween peoples' legs), 4 spanish dancers, an amazon woman with feathers in her hair, a 12 foot tall man on stilts, a referee, and of course Carmen Electra. It was fun...until they ran out of cold beer and people started to bounce, including us.

When I got home, I had a notice on my door...which leads me to my next blog...

A Day in Jail

2008-04-24T10:41:00.000-05:00

So every morning I wake up and get dressed, trying to look presentable, but not desirable. Then I drive the mellow yellow 2-door approximately 13 miles to my place of employment. As I get out of my vehicle, a lady sees my ID badge and asks, "Is you a counselor?" I reply, "No" and try to quickly get into the building and past security clearance so I don't get stopped by another visitor on the way in. Doesn't work.

As I approach the doors, almost clear of the non-employees of the facility, another woman stops me. She fits the profile of the down-ass-chick-baby-mama-visiting-her-drug-dealing-incarcerated-baby-daddy-who-swears-he'll-change-once-he-gets-out. You know, wearing something too tight, low cut, way too short, hair colors that can't possibly grow from someone's scalp, fully equipped with 6-inch heels, 4-inch finger nails and a gold tooth...or two. She says, "S'cuse me. Do you work here?" Instead of ignoring her, as I should have, I said, "Yes, I do." Before I could finish my sentence, she went into a tirade about how the lady at the visitation desk said that she had to have a state issued id in order to visit her baby daddy, but she'd lost her id the previous weekend (probably drunk at a club), and now they won't let her into visitation even though she's been there before. Then she proceeded to tell me that she had her Sam's Club Card with her photo id, and was seriously pissed off because they wouldn't accept it as proper identification. I used my usual, "Ma'am, I can't help you," and hauled ass into the building, flashing my badge as I whirled past security. Safe! So I thought.

Now inside the complex, I'm walking in the breeze way as a male inmate passes me. He says, "How you doin'?" as if we're on the street and he's trying to holla or something. I ignored him, as I do with every inmate who tries to talk to me. This is jail. And even if it wasn't, I'm sure he would not be someone I even looked twice at. Mind you, my attempt at dressing down doesn't really matter. Since I'm not an officer I dress in casual street clothes, so the inmates think that they can talk to me any kind of way or get over on me without a write-up. Well, this inmate had to learn the hard way. Now I'm almost at the door that leads to my office. But the inmate is making cat calls, "Mmmm...mmmm...mmm." "That's what I'm talkin' 'bout." "Hell, yeah." I stopped in my tracks and approached the inmate, who adamantly denies even saying anything. Then I asked him, "If I were dressed like an officer, would you have even said anything to me?" This fool gets mad and says, "Man, why do sisters like you always have to act like that?!" I was beside myself. Did this inmate just try to justify his actions by playing the race card?! Well, when he returned to his housing unit, he was greeted with a write up, later facing the judge and being sentenced to 10 days in lock-down with absolutely no priviledges, no phone, no visits, no commisary and only 1 hour of sunlight each day. I'm sure word will get around the complex to "not talk to that Black lady in the health services building, she'll write you up." That's damn right...my plan from the beginning.

HELP!

2008-04-21T13:12:00.001-05:00

Ok...can someone help me. Is the phrase 'bust it baby' good or bad? I have gone so far as to look it up on urbandictionary.com. The best answer I found was the following:

A woman with extraordinary carnal abilities. She is adapt at talking dirty without prompting. She is unusually skilled at fellatio, and "throwing it back" when she is given "back shots." Basically, she is the woman you would kill everyone one on the Earth for because her coochie is so good you go partially blind after you hit it the first time.

Based on that description, it sounds like I, or any other female would want to be identified as a 'bust it baby,' because it sounds like a great title for someone worthy of it.

But if that's the case, why do I hear females saying "I'm not yo' bust it baby!" I'm now back at square one, wondering if this is a good title or not. So should I be proud of my fellatio skills and claim the title?

Celebrity Filled Evening

2008-04-16T14:23:00.000-05:00

My great friend Arika can vouch for me on this one. A few weeks ago, we were at one of our fave spots, Red Fez, during SXSW weekend in Austin. As we look around, we began to notice a ridiculous amount of celebrity look-alikes. Seriously, these people have to be stopped and mistaken for celebs on a daily basis. We thought it was some joke that we weren't let in on. In one night, we saw the likes of T-Pain, Kumar (from Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle), Dave Chappelle, Waldo (from Where's Waldo?), Cedric the Entertainer, Missy Elliot, a Cabbage Patch Doll, Osama Bin Laden, and the World's Tallest Man and Woman. And just when we thought the count was over, in walks Bushwick Bill. No really, it was Bushwick Bill. That may have been the only actual celeb there. So sad, because until he hobbled into the DJ booth with Kurupt and Jaycee and grabbed the mic, no one knew he was even there.

Arika...did I miss anyone?